Don’t Watch This: Greyskull Edition

Shake it, bake it, booty quake it.

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This post is all about Genndy Tartakovsky and his amazing way to slip what some would call racy material I call awesome. Now I’m going to post these videos in chronological order of Genndy’s work mainly for two reasons. A: Because it helps understand his what freedoms he was granted for which shows. B: I want to post the video I found that started it all. Also, I am going to throw a few other videos in here and there to spice things up.

So lets start off with one of his earlier works. This show is called 2Stupid Dogs. This premiered roughly in the mid-nineties. This actually makes a decent amount of sense as to why such a show would be racy as around the same time shows such as Animaniacs, Tiny Toons, Freakazoid, and Rocko’s Modern Life really testing the waters, some harder than others. Though we do really have to thank The Simpsons for this as well. As The Simpsons came into it’s own the really paved a way and took a fair amount of the flack for the programs to follow. I also would like to point out NONE of these videos were edited either a visual or auditory manner. As we proceed it may seem some of them are but a assure you, I have multiple sources that state otherwise.

In any case here is a clip from 2Stupid dogs:

Though, this cartoon was known to be suggestive there was another animal duo who emerged three years prior that Genndy did NOT have a hand in that pushed the bar a bit further.

I think you know I mean Ren and Stimpy:

With that out of the way we can start to move into the modern era of cartoons. Though Dexter’s Lab had it’s debut in ’96 I still attribute it to the collective of modern cartoons. To put it simply, late nineties and early 2000′s saw the kibosh being put on a few of these so called suggestive content. However, this did not stop Genndy. Did you know there was an unaired  episode of Dexter’s Lab with actual swearing? I kid you not, it’s actually called Rude Removal.

Here is the original Toonami TV spot for it:

If that’s not bad enough take a look at it’s Title Card:

I’ve actually seen the episode and can confirm this as all legit. I’d link to the actual episode as it’s only 8 minutes long but I can’t find one that stays up long enough. Though as far as Dexter’s Lab goes, that’s really the worst it gets. Other than that it’s relatively mellow. There will be a few quips every now and again but nothing to write home about. The Powerpuff Girls however has a plethora of Innuendo. We could start with the fact that Sara Bellum’s address is 69. Maybe the fact that every scene she and The Mayor are together more than likely made little boys pants tighter. We could also you know, cover anything involving the villain Him. However, that’s just too obvious. Plus, I wanted to search for things and personally I feel what I found was funnier.

Here is the first clip:

Here is another good one writhe with innuendo.

Protip: Funniest part is 2:10-2:20:

Next we have Samurai Jack. Really not much I can find on this one it’s really hard. However, to be completely honest I can see why. Samurai Jack is meant to be Genndy’s “serious show.” I can accept this, and I wish I could link up the YouTube Poop version of his encounter with The Scotsman because damn near the whole bridge banter they have is hilarious. I would also post the video where he enters playing his bag pipes and says “By the look on your face I can tell you like the pipes wee laddie” but that’s only really funny if you’ve seen the YouTube Poop version. So instead I chose the video where The Scotsman throws a plethora of insults at Jack.

Here it is:

Now, I actually found a funny unrelated video trying to find a funny interaction between Jack and The Scotsman.

I almost lost my shit with this, so funny:

Finally, we come to the video I Stumbled that started it all. This is a video of Genndy’s new show Symbionic Titan. I used to watch the show a while back but I’d stopped for some reason. This clip in all actuality is quite popular all around the internet right now. There are even some edits and remixes of it. This is an original unedited copy. Even the music was on the show, which is great because the song is absolutely hilarious. You’ll see what I mean. Now after a bit of research I found out that this clip is actually not out of the ordinary for the show. Back when I watched it, the show seemed a tad devoid of this kind of thing, but it would appear that in the increasing years they have gotten a bit more brave with what they do. With shows like Adventure Time and Regular Show taking a large percentage of the hits, it would appear we’ve come full circle. I’m actually a little sad I stopped watching this show.

This is fucking hilarious:

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Good News Everyone! (Pic Heavy)

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Sarah Palin (Photo credit: xomiele)

This day is indeed a grand occasion. Today is the day we all discovered or long lost relatives. This is great because well, they are famous. While we are somewhat famous, especially myself, our relatives are wildly known throughout the world.

So lets start off shall we:

First we have Mr. Fail’s long lost son, Jonah Hill. As you can see here, the family resemblance is uncanny. (Click the pictures to inbiggen)

FISCH FUCKING FAIL!

JONAH FUCKING HILL!

Fucking crazy right? Here is some more:

Here is LuzOb and his brother separated at birth TheFrogman

LuzOb

TheFrogman

Speaking of frog men guess what Fisch Fail Frog, we found yo daddy!

F3

Kremit

We cannot forget about Eldwardo and his uncle Zorro.

Eldwardo

Zorro

Taught him everything he knows….

Then we have Grimnir…

Grim

He is related to THOR GOD OF THUNDER!

….and rock and roll…

No.. I lied it’s actually this guy.

Sam Huntington

Here is Moonpie and his boy.

MoonPie

Also Moonpie

I wonder if Moonpie Sr. is chocolate flavor too…

Here’s a good one of Ech and his lot:

Ech13

Ech Clones

I told him not to take that vacation in Kamino…

In any case here is ErinLovesTheWeb and her pops Drew Carey.

ELTW

Drew Carey

Incidentally, Drew Carey is actually only his stage name. His real name is DrewCareyLovesTheImprov.

Then finally there is me…

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sadly… There are no long lost relatives for… Wait what? I have a sister? Really?

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AYCOoB: Burning Wrath of God – The Silence

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(To my family, even though you are all with God. You’ll never leave my heart.)

May 16, 2014:

It’s a little quieter than usual. I’m actually not used to this. Not but a few moments ago this area echoed with the sounds of gunfire and explosions. However, there is now and eerie calm along the land. Perhaps it’s so strange to me not because the fighting has taken but a momentary pause, but rather it’s because I am truly alone now. I’ve just finished burying my brother–the very last family member I had. I’ve seen each member of my family murdered before my very eyes in this past year. I guess these are the things that happen in a war. Whatever the case may be Jerusalem is quiet… for tonight at the very least.

I’ve manage to find an abandoned house located near The Mount of Olives. The house is not in the safest of regions as it’s in Palestinian territory. I believe no one saw me enter and it’s boarded up nature–possibly by it’s prior residents, will aid in my concealment. If I were in fact to be attacked at this very moment there is not much I could do to defend myself as I have exhausted all of my ammunition for my pistol. At this current moment I have but a knife, simple provisions to last me a few days, and… this. This is the map my brother was carrying, the map that lead to his death. I cannot believe I still have this cursed thing. This map highlights all of the Palestinian encampments in Jerusalem, the camps my brother intended to assault.

Should I continue his mission? Should I take revenge for my family members who have been lost in the God forsaken war? I don’t even remember how the fighting even started, or which side is right anymore. Why did I even bother enlisting as a soldier. All of the men in my family did and they are all now dead. Does any of this fighting even matter? Has this land ever seen a time of peace? Why can’t the fighting just stop? Not just for tonight but forever. Both sides have lost so much it just needs to stop! Though, tonight it’s peaceful. If someone should happen to find this and never awaken… please remember my story. My name is Vayichar Af Hashem and today is my thirteenth birthday.

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Beeeeez? BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ!~

Some of you may think bees are scary and that they sting everyone. Well I have done extensive research that proves otherwise. It is my findings that bees are cool peeps so long as you leave them alone. There is a terrible foe out there that masquerades as a bee, this foe pins all of it’s crimes on the gentle bee. This foe is the wasp! Now I know what you are all thinking “Why is the wasp so much worse than a bee?” Well, I could tell you but allow me show illustrations of my findings. Protip: Click the images to expand them.

First I want to start off with some advisories:

This is one of three advisories explaining the different mindsets of bees vs wasps	The Message here is that bees are your friends and wasps are dicks.	Wasps =/= Bros!

Now that the differences in how they act have been established, read the cautionary message about wasps:

Clearly, these are the assholes of the animal kingdom!

Shall we take a closer look into the differences of these particular Apocrita:

Biologically speaking these are the body parts that make up the bee.	If you venture into the wild keep this handy checklist with you for an aid. Also, keep in mind bees die if they sting you once, wasps sting forever.	These are the parts that constitute a wasp.

So Now that we have seen their physical makeup, let us now see how they live:

		<
Here we have a honeycomb from the inside of the bee hive. Look how nice and orderly everything is.	This is the thought process that goes on within the hives.	OH LOOK! It appears that wasps also keep their hives orderly.

But who is charge of these hives you ask? Lets take a look:

This is the Queen bee. She’s pretty much the top shit around the hive. She calls all the shots, gets all of the food before anyone else, and if she does not want to mate no one does. Those with wives and long term girlfriends will know the feeling.

This grotesque human/wasp hybrid is what leads all of the wasps. It’s fingertips are 12 inch long stingers that are 2 inches wide. This is rarely reported by humans for the very second you see it wasps burst from your eyelids and it’s scream makes a projectile swarm at it’s target. Needless to say if you see it you don’t survive. If you hear buzzing at night don’t open your eyes, it watches you sleep in hopes someone will wake up to be the next victim.

Here are some very accurate depictions of both bees and wasps:

This is an image of what a bee actually looks like. They are easy to spot they chill around flowers being happy and peaceful. Their stingers are so tiny if you manage to get stung it tickles and sadly the bee dies after. Unless allergic you’ll have no issue, even then you’ll need roughly around 100 stings. If this manages to happen one antihistamine pill will do the trick.

This is the actual image of a wasp. These massive 9 foot tall monsters will send anyone, even the most healthy into instant anaphylaxis upon sight. Those unfortunate enough to be stung will be sent into a perpetual nightmarish hallucinogenic state before death. If the claymore sized stinger doesn’t cause all the blood in you body to drain. If it came down to getting shot or stung by a wasp, choose getting shot. At least there is a chance you could live. If you are allergic, well *shudder* you don’t even want to know.

Now for some close ups:

Aww it’s a bee’s face, how cute is that? Don’t you just want to hug it?	This is a wasp’s face in a close up view. You just shit yourself.

Do you think the differences stop within nature? No, even in media the differences are clearly apparent:

This is Bumblebee, she’s from DC comics. She works for the Teen Titans mostly, but sometimes aids The Justice League. She’s an all around cool girl, and is always there for her team. She even helped save the world from a mind controlled Superman. That takes some guts.

So this is Wasp. She’s kind of a bitch. She worked for The Avengers but screwed them over by making Scarlet Witch have a mental breakdown and destroy the team. She had a pregnancy scare where she didn’t know if the father was Clint Barton or Hank Pymm… She hosted a reality show where upcoming superheroes degraded themselves for amusement. She was also pro-registration, which means no more secret identities. Hank Pymm had to stop being Ant Man and had to become Yellow Jacket (A type of wasp) just so he could stand up to her. Which made him develop dissociative identity disorder. If she knew her place he wouldn’t need to hit her. Also, her brand of comics have Skrulls, and Skrulls are stupid.

Here have more proof:

This is Bumblebee, he’s a very passive Transformer and Autobot. Whatever medium of Transformers Bumblebee always ends up being best friends with a major human character from earth. Bumblebee is so passive in fact he was mute in the movie. In the first gen of Transformers he was a Volkswagen, which is a car that never hurt anyone.	Here is Waspinator, he’s a Decepticon and a dick…

Lastly, to get my point across I will show you the fruits of each creatures labors:

Bees make honey, it’s very delicious. It goes great with peanut-butter, toast, ice cream, and even asparagus.	Wasps make only pain and suffering…

None of the bee or wasp images are mine! I found them on Google. Credit would go to the deserving people if I bothered to remember.

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Bahn Hammür, or How I Learned To Stop Bitching and Love The Show.

Dark Horse Comics (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So WordPress it’s been some time yes? Well I figured this would be as good a time as any to post as this it all fresh in my head. Normally I avoid names of corporations and people, but this is just not one of those posts. I wish it was, I really do but I just can’t do this that way. Before I begin this somewhat of a rant I really think I should delve out some apologies to avoid those nasty legal issues and hate mail/email/tweets/whatever your medium.

My apologies to the following: FischFail authors, FischFail readers, any particular minority group that takes offense to the rant to follow, the German peoples, people trying to learn new languages, victims of rape from a fatherly figure, followers of the Asatru religion, those offended by swear words, Hulu, the nerd community, readers of comic books, those who watch film and television, NBC Universal, people who like to bitch a lot, victims of the Aurora Colorado tragedy and their families, Heath Ledger friends/family/fans, Anne Hathaway, Jake Gyllenhaal, Christopher Nolan, DC Comics, Marvel Comics, Dark Horse Comics, Walt Disney co. (I actually hit you guys a lot so I want to make you bold), Warner Brothers Entertainment, the homosexual community, Capcom, cutters, 20th Century Fox, People who enjoy classic literature, and the Japanese.
If I missed you and you were offended I apologize for offending you and missing you. Nice huh? You get two.
If you are offended people get two or more when you get less I apologize for that.
If you feel you deserve more for missing you I apologize. {n(x) Go to 13 or 26 depending on your resolution} x = Infinity
If I have not offended you… Fuck you, and I apologize.

Now that the ass saving portion is out of the way lets get down to the brass tacks shall we? So I have recently gotten into the NBC show Grimm. the new season actually already started, I was just catching up on Hulu. If you have never seen it I’m sorry but Hulu had some lame ass time limit on and now you have to have HuluPlus to watch them. I almost didn’t make the time limit myself. I would have been really pissed had I not been able to continue. I digress, Hulu was cool for a hot second now they grubs for the cash, not my point. My point is I went online to find different theories and fan interpretations of the show once I had been caught up. This is what I do, I’m really lame about this, deal with it. However, I was distraughten… Hold on, I know what you are thinking “Distraugten? That’s not a word.” Well if NBC Universal can make up fucking words then so can I. Oh, well I’m getting ahead of myself now, just bare with me. My point is soon to come. Did you notice how I just rambled on for three paragraphs without getting to the meat of this post? Kind of annoying right? (See Apologies Section: Fichfail Readers.)

Right, so I was distressed to see many people actually do not care for this show. This would not normally bother me save for the fact that these reasons, to be quite frank are… kind of fucking stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I have my share of not caring for things for stupid reasons myself, but I don’t bitch about it. Trust me, I’ll get into that later. For now, lets just focus on the topic of the Grimm tv show. I saw people bitching about how the races of the creatures make very little sense or were the “wrong word” to describe them. There were people posting blogs such as this one in hopes the network producers will see the error of their ways. Lets get something straight first of all. Networks do not care about small time blogs much like this one. The reason I have some of them listed in the apologies section at all is for a jovial tone. I mean really, we describe in great detail our experiences taking a shit. Do you really think big network wants to take us seriously? No, the only thing networks look at individuals is if you steal from them or the ever rare audience poll. You know, for rating and what have you.

This aside, there is another aspect of the problem that is wrong. The fact that this show is using the “wrong words” to describe things. I want to make this very clear that it’s a fiction show! Thus, who really gives a fuck. If you don’t like it turn it the fuck off. You want NBC to know how wrong they are? Show them what one less viewer does to them. Note: Sarcasm does not portray well through text. Though the show is loosely based on the tales of The Grimm Fables, and loosely is heavily implied here. The races of the people are entirely made the fuck up. they could be called Gofukyerselvin and I wouldn’t care. This is because, aside from the main character no one is based on any one concrete story or fable. Even still, I my opinion it’s better then what happened when Walt Disney got his rapacious hands on the stories. You can at least admit they are dark like The Brothers Grimm intended.

The only other problem I have with this is the people who say these things. I will be willing to grant leniency to people who German is their first language. Even more so those who speak Old Germanic as a first language, seeing as how the original text of the Grimm books were written in that and I’m assuming where some of the naming of the races in the tv show come from. I’m sure NBC can hire teams of people who can fluently speak the aforementioned languages. You know because it’s a better way to spend money than keeping Eureka running for a few more seasons, but no, I’m not bitter or anything. My point is however, who are you to say what’s right unless you can fluently speak the language. There were a few people that claim they are Germans in Germany who speak German. For this, I call bullshit. This is due in part to the fact there are several references to Adolf Hitler and an episode with his image. Now correct me if I’m wrong but does not the German government try to lock that shit away and any knowledge of it like a teenage girl trying to repress the memory of her father molesting her in a drunken fit? Like, I think people can get arrested and shit over there for even mentioning his name. Though, I could be wrong and then these people would have a bit more of a valid standing point.

Though this actually got me thinking about other art mediums people have bitched about. Take for instance the movie Thor. Those who like/follow Norse Mythos know there were no black people in Ancient Scandinavia. Thus, there would be no black people in Valhalla. The people who told these stories were Norse and so the people they wrote/told about would also be Norse. This is not racism, it’s just simple historical fact. Though, in the movie there was Heimdall blacker than a svartálfar. The truth of the matter is even in the comics he’s still Norse. I know these comics are not exactly accurate to the story of Thor a lot of the time but he was still Norse. This was because of what I like to call the Nick Fury effect. Nick Fury himself was also a white male but after the Iron Man movie they decided to cast him as a black man. Then shortly after, poof, suddenly black in all other media. I actually welcome this, I feel Nick Fury was meant to be a black guy. However, when comics were in their infancy was between the 20′s-50′s. Can you think of a race that wasn’t to popular during that time period? So because the business was was dominated by white males, most of the characters were… white males. Do you sense a pattern here? Read back up by the Norse Mythos section if you don’t really get it.

So in order to actually break into the media these minority groups have to speak up against current reproductions of old stories that do not include them. To some of you it may not seem fair to have something you grew up knowing as one thing change like that on the screen. The problem is you really cannot do anything about. The big film industries are going to listen to the minority groups rather than a bunch of comic nerds and vikings. The fact of the matter is after two hundred or so years of oppression, they’ve gotten a lot more organized and better at bitching than you. One particular instance was the Capcom game Resident Evil 5. There was this big sphell about how it’s wrong that all the zombies were black… in Africa… you know where all black people can trace their heritage to. So now they want black people taken out of this game. I know right? First you want to be put in media, now you want to be taken out? Make up your fucking mind. I personally did not know what came of this because I shut the game off within five minutes and never touched it again. Not because of this debacle mind you, because it just really fucking sucked. The shit made Final Fantasy 7 look playable. So I tried that again… and wanted to slit my wrists with the three broken disks. Square-Enix and fans of Final Fantasy 7 you will find there is no apology for you. You know what you did…

Though I am not without my bias. Luz-Ob will attest this one. I refuse to go see Dark Knight Rises in theaters. I’m a huge fan of Batman and everyone thought I was going to see it opening night. First of all, fuck paying $13 for ANY fucking movie. It could be Pleasure Sex Eyeball Fuck 3 in 5D for all I care and I’ll still wait until the matinee. My main issue with this the fact that a white guy was playing Bane. “But Drez what about your Thor rant?” First of all, fuck you no one is perfect. Secondly, I didn’t say I agree with the choice for Heimdall, just Fury. Thirdly, Bane’s race is pivotal to origin story. Going back to my Thor rant no Heimdall’s race is not really pivotal to his origin but all the same do not agree. Fury, not pivotal and I accept it. I’m also not a fan of Catwoman’s outfit. It’s almost as if they stole Black Widow’s out fit and put cat ear’s on it. Now, these are minor issues I have with the movies. Hell, based on these things alone I’d still go see them. I’m just a huge DC fan and hold all of their movies to a ridiculously high standard that no one meets. I have just never seen a DC movie I liked. The animated shows are great, and I adore the comics, any thing Bruce Timm or Grant Morrison touch is gold. I can never get into the movies. The Marvel movies are great. Maybe it’s because they know what they are doing or maybe I just don’t have that high standards for Marvel being not that big of a fan, although I worry about the next Avengers movie. If I see another Skrull I think I’ll kill myself. All I know is DC movies are not as good as I would wish them.

Even though the Nolan films are closest to the comics they still pale in comparison to what they could be. They actually really suck and it’s rather depressing they do so good in the box office. I have a theory on this, I believe that it’s all on the media hype. I mean look at the numbers in comparison Batman Begins did $75mil versus the $160mil of both Dark Knight and Dark Knight Rises for opening weekend. It’s simple, the plot of the movie was the same in all three movies, same dark setting, same batman, same “genius” director. What could be different? I’ll tell you, the tragedy surrounding them. I mean with Dark Knight you had the death of Ledger, and with Dark Knight Rises you had the shootings. Both of which tragedies I know, but in an economic sense you can’t buy that kind of publicity. I mean shit, after all of that got out how many people do you think the Batman films were more “edgy” and “dark” and wanted to go for some sick thrill of being somehow connected to a tragedy. I’m human too, don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind. Everyone has thought of it and it’s normal. So don’t go around thinking I’m crazy like the asshole who shot those people, because I’m not. I just happen to say what’s on my mind and everyone’s.

The Dark Knight got it’s fame because of Ledger’s death. Everyone was all talking about his role and how great he was. Well, that’s bullshit too. Ledger wasn’t the best Joker, even John DiMaggio did a better job then him. I grew up with Hamill  as my Joker and in my eyes has captured every aspect The Joker needed. Yes, The Joker is dark but he’s also very animated. The point here I’m trying to make is Heath Ledger was a great actor but a shit Joker. Perhaps if he stuck to hitting people with sticks on horses and taking Jake Gyllenhaal to pound town he’d still be alive. Don’t think for a second either that the people behind the Dark Knight franchise didn’t market on that. The only reason Anne Hathaway got to be Catwoman was the first degree of six in relation to Ledger. If you actually sit down and watch the movie without thinking about Ledger’s death you’ll see what I mean and maybe someday I’ll watch Dark Knight Rises when it’s free on the tv. Though as it stands it’s not looking good.

To wrap all of this up bitching never stops anything. None of these big companies will change their ways and the Batman movies will never live up to my standards. Even me bitching about people bitching, which is what this whole post is anyway will never stop them. Even I won’t stop bitching long enough to listen to my own hypocritical advice. The way it works is you either accept status quo or you get in the business and change it yourself. Now you may wonder if this is the way I think then why did I do all of this bitching? Well, bitching to a smaller audience has it’s advantages. If at least one person who thinks bitching about things they can’t change is a good way to go reads this, then I can hope to change the way they see the world. Hopefully, this can spread and we can have a nation of people who want to change shit instead of bitching….. or we become a bunch of defeatists like the Japanese, you know, whatever works.

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Indeed

I’M IN MY…. ELEMENT!

Moe genes, Moe problems

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200 px (Photo credit: Drezirale)

Hello internet world. Most of you may know of me as the Internet Sensation Drezirale. Most of you, since I have not posted in nine months may have forgotten of me. Yet, I do not blame you, it’s all been purely my fault. It’s been so long since I have posted that the act of unprotected intercourse resulted in a fertilized egg to reach full term gestation and create a child. Believe it or not this has something to do with my post. Did I knock up some wayward floozy you ask? No, I knocked up three. Actually, in all honesty it is about a child I took part and creating, however not with typical means.

Some of you may or may not know that being an Internet Sensation is not exactly a lucrative business. In fact it leaves little to no margin for profit. This is why I have decided to dabble in biology. Yes, that is right. There is another thing that’s happened in my life since I last posted. I am now a student in college, shout hurrah if you are educated. Those of you who are not, please try to keep up. I’ll be using bigger words from here on out.

To the right of my text is the individual known as Moe. Moe is my child, he was created in a lab by me and a person who will remain unnamed. The great thing about making a child with someone in a lab is, the awkward courting process is completely removed. Now, what makes Moe so special you ask? His fate is determined by a flip of a coin. Most people’s genetics are determined by the dominant and recessive alleles of their parents. At most anyone could receive would be a one in four chance of recessive genes. That is if dominant genes are present, if both parents are recessive the chance goes up. That’s all for a lecture however, if you want more pay the money I did.

How did Moe come to be? We first flipped for the genes of the parents. This would determine what parent was dominant, recessive, both, vice versa, yada, yada. I wont run down the whole chart but there are a few thing such as the face. A dominant trait was the oval face both parents were recessive so his face was rectangular. Eyes were a combination of a series of alleles as was skin and the end result was Moe, enjoy.

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THEY MAY TAKE OUR LIVES… BUT THEY WILL NEVER TAKE OUR INTERNET!

Image by MikeBlogs via Flickr

Today is the day warriors of the internet. Today we fight back, we take control this is our stand and we will not back down.

For those of you who do not know, today marks the blackout day for the internet. a bunch of sites are going black including our very own FischFail Inc site. Many of the websites have already started, for us however we start in fifteen minutes.

SOPA, is a bill trying to get passed that will block websites that contain links to copyrighted material. EVEN IF YOU OWN IT!

PIPA gives your ISP and other copyright holders means to block certain websites. If your ISP has money with one search engine they may block Google for the hell of it. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!

STAND UP AND FIGHT!

See you in 12 hours!

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wtf best buy?!

Joke corner!

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Hello Fisch Fail, INC readers…. I have a joke for you all.

If a Protoss from Starcraft got a job at a traffic cone making factory, what does his supervisor say to him when he doesn’t make his quota?

“You must construct additional pylons!”

———

Here’s another….

Why are Final Fantasy VII Chocobos not as fun as Chocobos from all the other games in the series?

They are all Wark and no Qwei!

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Drezirale vs Fischfail

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Earlier today Fisch was attacking Luz and myself with pets. Yes, he was petting us, on our arms, with his hands. Strange I know but Fisch has somewhat freakish strength. So this shit kind of hurt. Luz and I tried to fight back but to no avail. Fisch had the better of us both and we were even attacking him from both sides. This in turn brought up the strange topic of how Fisch is the strongest man alive and would one day rule the world by going around poking people in the chest.

Which brought up an even stranger topic of how to stop him. I forget the most of it, some things involving time travel, having diamond skin, adamatium bones, a suit of armor, being a ghost, and even cloning him. He topped them all, one upping me the entire time. However, I feel I came to the best conclusion on how to stop him. It’s to combine these things. One day I will become a day walking, memorizing, incorporeal, diamond skinned, adamatiuim skeletoned, time traveling, vampire, being of pure energy, robotic, rodent, double replicating kidney stone with a hermetically sealed lifetime supply of blood.
AND I WILL BEAT HIM! I WILL WIN! YOU HEAR THAT! I WILL WIN THIS!

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The house that… a contractor built but we all live in.

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First off I wanted to have the title say “The house that Fisch Fail, Inc. built” but none of us have any architectural skills to my knowledge. So the title will have to do until we build a house. It’s gonna happen mother fuckers, just you wait. It’s going to be equipped with mind reading table top gaming stations, a computer that posts our thoughts automatically to Fisch Fail, Inc., and we each get our own personal toilet that will be self repairing and retrieve our dropped items for us already in pristine condition. Not only that but it will zap out poops as soon as they go in the bowl. You know what? Fuck that, it will zap our poops directly out of our anuses no matter where we are. So we don’t even have to go into any bathrooms at all. You’re welcome Fisch…

Oh and there will be weapon rooms with all the weapons ever made ever in the whole world. Also, comics, lots of comics, and video games… There will also be an anti chewy bitems shield around the house… that’s like five miles long.

But for now, I am simply stuck talking of the current less awesome but still awesome in it’s own way regular house in which we reside. I think it was one of the first times we had all been together in the same room having fun since the big move in. Either there was cleaning and unpacking to be done, schooling, or I would just disappear for a month and a half. However, we finally had a “game night” of sorts. First we all sat down and watched a popular animated show about a man who was frozen for 1000 years and now lives in the future doing intergalactic deliveries for his great (times whatever) nephew. After that we all ate vanilla wafers and graham crackers with frosting… from a bag… (awesome). To which we procedeed with the gaming, a combination of games, some liked more than others. I particularly did not like being rushed to describe a word and I’m sure Luz would agree. All and all we had fun, and learned some peculiar things about one another. Like some people, who will remain unnamed like to put chocolate in a certain hole. I’ll leave the imagination parts to you, but I’ll give you a hint. It’s not the mouth.

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Quife’s Landaries.

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So FFI readers I present you with this short series of questions…

Would you rather:
A: Feel someone staring at you through the back of your head?
OR:
B: Look at someone for a half a second and have them meet eyes with like they are part of the god damn Matrix?

Just for Fisch I am adding more words, words that make sense even.

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A dark day for glasses wearers…

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The other day I had just eaten a large dinner. Now I don’t know about you but when I have spaghetti, I tend to have liquidy poops. This was all well and good except for the fact that when I stand up to flush. “Plink” my lens of my glasses falls right out their desired place for vision and right into the murky brown waters below. Now, this is the only pair of glasses I have left and being a poor college student have not the luxury of buying a new pair.

I am in now way proud of this next part, but it must be done. That’s right I go fishing for my lost lens. I plunge my hands into my poop soup, yes I know I used this term before but I don’t really poop solid. Get over it. I push the undesired chunks of poop out of the way until reaching the bottom back part of the toilet.  That’s right almost down the drain is where it decided to land. After claiming my prize like some form of sick German crane game. I toss it into the sink where I douse it and my hand in blistering soapy hot water. Followed by a ritualistic application of hand sanitizer.

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