Pissin’ in the wind…The story of Fisch Fail, inc.

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So as I sit here with my fellow authors, Luzob and Mr.Fail, I truly feel a wave of shame wash over me. I’ve complained a lot lately about feeling stagnant, stuck in a state of limbo as i am between jobs and semesters of school, and yet for some reason I have been absent from our humble little blog. I plan to change that.

Every Friday will be Firearm Friday, where i will either post a video of myself testing a boomstick or write a post about a certain weapon that I would love to add to my collection.

Every Monday will be about something that happened at school, because as all you current and former students know, some seriously messed up shit can happen on a “normal” Monday.

Every Wednesday will be Odin’s day. I’ll be posting wisdom in one form or another that I hope will enrich your lives as much as it does mine.

Every Thursday will be Thor’s day. This will be a post about armed combat, sometimes including a video of said combat taking place right here at Fisch Fail Inc.

Our prior absence will now be followed by posts the likes of which NONE of us have ever seen.

May the gods watch over you

Måtte Æser ser deg

Grim

Skyrim PTSD

When you see the shadow of a bird and look up quickly to see if there is a dragon. True story.

May the gods watch over you

Måtte Æser ser deg

Grimnir Odinsson

I hate the phrase YOLO… But seriously. You only live once.

Alright, so I know it’s a common phrase, especially today with this fucking “YOLO” busllshit (seriously, stop abbreviating, you sound fucking ridiculous) but for the love of the gods, you only live ONCE.

Honestly, have you really ever thought about that? Not just “yeah, I guess that’s true” but like “HOLY FUCK, I GOTTA LIVE IT UP!!!!!!”

I’ve just had this epiphany about 6 months ago, and life could not be simpler. I mean really, you need to just DO IT, because you may never have another chance. And if you get hurt, oh well that’s life. If it kills you, so what we all die anyway. Just learn to say FUCK IT every once in a while.

What I’m trying to say, everyone, is this:

Measure your life not in the years you’ve lived, but in the fullness that you lived them.

May the gods watch over you

Måtte Æser ser deg

Grimnir Odinsson

In Death, There Is Life

My vision is hazy and my heart is heavy, for I will not make it home.

The air is cold as I stumble towards the stream and my sword feels cumbersome. The wound in my side flows like the water over the rocks, and it is deep.

The wound in my back is deeper still.

The ground is hard as i fall to my knees next to the riverbed and i weep; not for my own death, but the death of my homeland. The warriors who come under the banner of the Christ god will not stop until our ways are forgotten and our gods left behind. I take solace in the fact that while i am dying, they are dead. I suddenly feel as though i could do with some rest and I let myself fall into the stream and shut my eyes as the cold water laps my cheek.

And as I fall into darkness, A light burns against my eyes and so I open them once more.

My vision is clear and my heart is warm

For I am home.

The air is perfect and my sword is more a part of me than my own beating heart. Where once fatal wounds had been, only scars remain.

The ground is soft as I stand on my feet again and I weep; not out of sadness, but joy. The warriors who came under the banner of the Christ god will never see what I see, never feel what I feel in this moment, and I turn to embrace the sight of that glorious mead hall. I take solace in the fact that, while my brothers and sisters are dead and dying, I will see them again in that hall. I walk towards the steps as the doors open, and a one-eyed man motions me to a seat at his table and says

“Welcome Home“

May the gods watch over you

Måtte Æser ser deg

Grimnir Odinsson

Audio Post — Drunken Lullabies

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You guys get no description with this one…

 

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Back from the dead.

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Hey guys, it’s me, fischfail. I bet you never thought I would return, didn’t you. Don’t fear though, it takes a lot to keep me down and out,

A child sad that his hot dog fell to the ground. Photographer’s blog post related to this photo. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

although it has been getting easier to do so.

You will have to forgive me for not posting recently, between the veritable laundry list of illnesses, stress due to school and work, and a sudden onset of depression, I haven’t had much will to do very much. And while I will spare you all from most of that, I will share the following with you.

Today, I woke up with severe neck pain that prevents me from turning my head without excruciating pain shooting throughout my body, which is also causing my back to tighten back up, and not to even mention my teeth…

Obviously, not my real mouth.

But enough of the sad stuff surrounding my life.

Although the story behind this post is a little saddening as well, but for other reasons… I’ve been gone for a while; this is a clearly known fact (my last real post being made March 29, 2012). But I had a plan, a glorious and triumphant return: a plan that would make Fisch Fail, INC amazing, once more.

Sadly though, that plan was dashed away by the sudden and somewhat concerning disappearance of someone who has had very little mention here: StarStorm.

It would have been a post surrounding one of the two things authors of Fisch Fail, INC can actually admit to enjoying: video games and attractive women. This particular story would have focused on gaming and one very amazing online interaction that I personally encountered.

However, since that is likely to have gone out the door I am here to make this post, which will actually be combining a couple of posts that I had planned on making.

But now that I am done with the second sad bit of this post, it is time to move on to fun! Most of the following does not need further explanation… Or maybe they do, I am not really sure.

How did they know?

…I don’t even know…

Uhhhhhh, what is his name?

Actually, I saw this while driving to school. Unfortunately that was the only picture that ErinLovesTheWeb was able to snap off before the vehicle disappeared into a nearby suburb. Either way, let us continue.

That is kinda how Fisch Fail, INC. is.

Admit, you’ve been there…

Who hasn’t wanted to beat the fuck out of the annoying kid next to them at the LAN party?

So would I… I think

I wonder how many takes that took?

Yup, exactly as I pictured it.

This still manages to creep me out… Please make it stop.

Get the fuck out of my way.

This picture is not only awesome, but will piss Drezirale off.

And now for Fisch Fail, INC’s first ever post including actual nudity…

The sexiest pics of 2011 as chosen by Fisch Fail, INC., and some news!

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Titanomaxia Trilemma Supra Saga~ ready to initiate the ultimate game (Photo credit: KevinHutchins314)

So, I’ve actually been meaning to make this post for about a month now, and I don’t exactly know what has kept coming up to prevent me from doing so, but here it is. I was part of a group creation, along with ErinLovesTheWeb, Jihawk, Digustipated, Starstorm, Saga, and maybe a couple of others (if I forgot you, I sincerely apologize, buy you could leave a comment, and let me know!)

Let me introduce to you: The South East Michigan Independent Gaming Alliance of Yesteryear. Which is also known as The Semi-Gay. You want to join, send me a message (there are plenty of places where you can do so), and we will see what we can do.

And lets move onto the next bit of news… Does anyone but me remember Fisch Fail live events? I miss that shit, I might try to bring it back. They were fun while they lasted, and it was a good way for you guys to actually get to speak with us and meet us “in person.”

Also, I think we all forgot about this… But we need logos! Any of you remember the logo contest we had going on? The one where you guys were supposed to create a logo for us, so we can have official pictures that apply to us. The contest is simple, you guys design us an image that portrays the concept of Fisch Fail, INC (and if you don’t know what that means, perhaps you could take some time and read some of our older posts, it might clear some things up). We then take your logo design and make sure it gets immortalized for all the world to see… Or at least those who read our blog.

Speaking of contests, we are still looking for a model for some official Fisch Fail, INC flavor (personally, I like chicken and salmon, but you guys can choose other ones that are more to your liking). We could really use contestants, or else you guys get to see us presenting the magical gear and no one wants to see that. And I promise you guys, you will love it.

Also, you should never forget about “I’m Addicted to Your Mom!”

And now for the reason you guys are actually reading this post, the sexiest pictures of 2011 as judged by Fisch Fail, INC.

So let’s set the world on fire…

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Just for you Drezirale… I know how much you love that song…

Let's Get Down (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Either way, I am back now (we had some issues surrounding wireless that I could not fix…), and now

lets resume where we left off…

Yet another Pictophone booklet, this one was started by the very amazing ErinLovesTheWeb..

01

I don’t think We’re in Kansas anymore.

02

03

Don’t think about shoes or the dog will bite you.

04

Blessed are the days when life is intent and clear

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This is the third installment of my pictophone series. This booklet comes from the very awesome B.E.N. (whose name may change in

the future)…

Either way, here we go. And once again, I will make sure to make captions for the written pieces of artwork.

#1

I am a jelly donut

#2

#3

I am singing about a box of raisins

#4

#5

Sing take me out to the ballgame

#6

#7

Singing baseball player

#8

#9

I’m not exactly sure what happened here, but it says “I sing while playing baseball”

#10

Ten more image brought to you by the game called pictophone. And now you all know that the phrase “I am a jelly doughnut” directly translates to a screaming man with a gigantic misshapen club-like penis singing while a baseball hurls towards him.

For some bonus content for you guys, I leave you this.

And that is it for me for today. Keep being fucking awesome you guys.

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If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy, I could have won

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Time for part 2 of the pictophone series. Stand back and watch the awesome unfold.

Image via Wikipedia

If you remember from the first post I made, I discussed how the game goes, the one thing I forgot to mention is: everybody in the circle does this at the same time (if you have five people playing, there are five people either writing or drawing at the same time).

This “booklet” (the name I will use to describe one stack of papers) comes from StarStorm (more on him in the future). And now that I think about it, I forgot to mention the author of the first booklet, JiHawk (also more of her in the future). My apologies ma’am, please don’t shank me for forgetting to mention you.

Remember to scroll slowly, taking in each amazing piece of written masterpiece and showmanship of pure artistic talent.

#1

It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your cloths

#2

 

#3

Hot airplanes gaining altitude love clothes

#4

 

#5

Flying planes love clothing?

#6

 

#7

Fly your heart to clothes

#8

 

#9

A flying heart leads to empty clothes (which can be strangely accurate!)

#10

 

Well, there you have it. Pictophone part 2. I hope you guys enjoyed this one as much as the last, and I do have more lined up and ready to be shown to the world, but I think one pictophone booklet is enough for one post.

So, until next time, remember: Don’t take life too seriously. It might just kill you.

 

P.S. The title of this post is brought to you by the following song.

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Where the hell am I?

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Since neither Drezirale nor LuzOb could give this story to the Internet, I decided to step up to the plate and make it myself, although I

Image via Wikipedia

don’t remember (nor do I know) all the details (perhaps one of them will step in a add some insight), I will try  and report what I do know.

A few weeks ago (I don’t know the exact date off hand), I got home from school on a Saturday afternoon extremely tired. If I recall I hadn’t slept the night before (fuck you insomnia!), and went to school completely exhausted. Upon returning home, I decided I would check my email, and while doing so, starting falling asleep at my computer. After much discussion, LuzOb and Drezirale convinced me to go to bed (this being around 19:00 our time).

I trudge down the hallway and in a slate of exhausted delirium, I stumble into bed and proceed to get some of the best sleep I have ever received. A short while later, I wake up with an incredible urge and pressure building in my bladder. An urge I could no longer ignore. I climb out of bed, put on my robe, and stumble into the bathroom in the same drunken delirium that I previously described.

I distinctly remember walking to the bathroom, emptying my bladder, and felt a sense of relief flush over my body as I flushed the toilet.

That is the last thing that I clearly remember…

Then everything gets fuzzy.

After I flushed the toilet, I apparently decided to leave the bathroom, turn the wrong direction (back towards the living room), and walked into the unoccupied bedroom of Drezirale (he was in the living room at the time).

The next thing I know, Drezirale is beating at me silently demanding to know “what the fuck am I doing in his bedroom!?” This continues on for a while, with me never being able to fully wake up. Eventually my eyes peel open, and something seems wrong, something is out of the ordinary. My bed is the wrong firmness… It’s too hard. The room is too bright… Why the fuck is Harley Quinn staring me in the face? Where the fuck did I get a television?

Then it dawns on me. This is not the bedroom I sleep in every night…In fact, there is nothing about this bedroom that greets me by saying “hello fishfail, wouldn’t you like to rest?” Instead, this room screams “get the fuck out!”

I wearily climb out of the bed, and stumble back into the living room, where LuzOb and Drezirale are both sharing a laugh at my expense…

I bleakly look around, and realize it is only about 20:00. I had been asleep for less than an hour before the excursion to the bathroom… To this day, I still don’t know exactly what happened… All I do know is I awoke in the wrong bed, in the wrong room, smelling the wrong smells…

God, I wish I could blame this entire experience on drugs and/or alcohol…

But I cannot, just severe sleep deprivation… Fucking awesome.

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Once upon a time…

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Image via Wikipedia

There was a blog aptly named Fisch Fail, INC.  and it did… Stuff.

So, it’s been a short while since I’ve last posted. And there are plenty of stories to be

shared with that. And hopefully

they will all come into existence very soon.

Since, it seems most of my authors have disappeared into the abyss, there has been a shortage of posts recently. A

lso, Ullersson, if you happen to read this, I do have a signature for you. I’ve actually had it for months… You can ask Luz about getting a hold of me.

So either way, ErinLovesTheWeb and I are part of a new group (which you will hear about in the very near future. But today’s story is related to it, however no background information is needed for that at this time.

There is a game we’ve been playing for a short while, called Pictophone. If you’ve never heard of the game, let me explain the rules.

 

1) Find a group of people.

2) Give each person sheets of paper equal to the number of people in the group.

3) Each person writes a phrase or statement on the first sheet of paper.

4) Everyone passes their entire stack of paper (picture on front) to the person on their left.

5) The new person puts the phrase on the back of the pile of the papers.

6) The new person then draws a picture representing the original phrase.

7) The person then passes the entire stack of papers to their left again.

8) The new person then looks at the picture, and moves it to the back of the stack.

9) The new person then writes a statement describing the picture (they are not allowed to look at anything but the top sheet).

10) Repeat until the circle has completed.

11) Read the results and have many lolz.

It sounds silly, but it is a lot of fun.

The following is one example from a night of play. I will include captions for the written sheets of paper. Scroll slowly to fully take everything in.

#1

December is for cynics

#2

 

#3

You should tell your cold friends when the calender shows snow on trees.

#4

 

#5

The screaming calendar man helps the monkeys with mittens.

#6

#7

Sleep Monkey

#8

 

#9

The monkey’s on a leash while you sleep

 

#10

 

And that is basically the game (well 1 of 5 peoples chain of translations). I will try and post a different one every couple of days. By the end of the night, we were all screaming in pain from laughter.

 

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Audio Post – Drunk Security

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I think I am gong to try and make a drunk security post about once a month, or so.

In this first episode I discuss passwords, and even though I sound really drunk, I am only intoxicated (proof: I could log in to wp, and make intelligible statements after doing so).

I also forgot what I was going to say half way through, so this one is quite short, and in the future, I will try to write out the this before hand.

Either way, this is the first post in over a week, some it love, okay?

So, you may be asking, what the fuck are we doing around here? Not much, really. I personally have been working on some more background shit for the blog, as for the others, I don’t really know. Either way, I am out for now.

Remember, stay “chummy” my friends… Even when drinking.

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My babies growing up!

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Fisch Fail, INC, is still a baby, still growing, still something…

If we were a human baby, we would be learning to speak, and maybe eat something that didn’t have the consistency of baby food. But fuck, we’ve already moved on to tacos and alcohol… Says something about us!

Anyway, yesterday we hit a random milestone… 20,000 views (and damnit, I was going to make sure I got to make this announcement!).

So, it took us nearly a year and a half to get our first 10,000… It took us 6 months, to get our second.

Lets try and beat that record (for us) even quicker.

Tell everyone about FFI, let’s do it!

 

 

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Put your money where your phuckin mouth is!

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Anyways how are all of you reader out there doing?
You know its Super Bowl Sunday and I don’t expect a lot of readers today,
except maybe the ones who are only watching it for the commercials like me lol!

I am just going to sit back and relax and watch the game since I am completely done with one class worths
of homework! Wahoo!

Last night was also interesting, went to a friends thinking cool, about to get my Drank on and play poker (which by the way I hate). unfortunately we didn’t get that far and arguing ensued from there and all I can remember is one person saying “Put your fucking money where your mouth is” and BAM fist are flying everywhere.
Ha I was like a banana and split, don’t get me involved with yo drama. Needless to say it was a fun night and I may just return soon!

Anyways this was another public service announcement brought to in part by Fisch Fail Inc and of course:

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