Don’t Watch This: Greyskull Edition

…and now Mr. Schwarzenegger with the weather report

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Shake it, bake it, booty quake it.

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This post is all about Genndy Tartakovsky and his amazing way to slip what some would call racy material I call awesome. Now I’m going to post these videos in chronological order of Genndy’s work mainly for two reasons. A: Because it helps understand his what freedoms he was granted for which shows. B: I want to post the video I found that started it all. Also, I am going to throw a few other videos in here and there to spice things up.

So lets start off with one of his earlier works. This show is called 2Stupid Dogs. This premiered roughly in the mid-nineties. This actually makes a decent amount of sense as to why such a show would be racy as around the same time shows such as Animaniacs, Tiny Toons, Freakazoid, and Rocko’s Modern Life really testing the waters, some harder than others. Though we do really have to thank The Simpsons for this as well. As The Simpsons came into it’s own the really paved a way and took a fair amount of the flack for the programs to follow. I also would like to point out NONE of these videos were edited either a visual or auditory manner. As we proceed it may seem some of them are but a assure you, I have multiple sources that state otherwise.

In any case here is a clip from 2Stupid dogs:

Though, this cartoon was known to be suggestive there was another animal duo who emerged three years prior that Genndy did NOT have a hand in that pushed the bar a bit further.

I think you know I mean Ren and Stimpy:

With that out of the way we can start to move into the modern era of cartoons. Though Dexter’s Lab had it’s debut in ’96 I still attribute it to the collective of modern cartoons. To put it simply, late nineties and early 2000′s saw the kibosh being put on a few of these so called suggestive content. However, this did not stop Genndy. Did you know there was an unaired  episode of Dexter’s Lab with actual swearing? I kid you not, it’s actually called Rude Removal.

Here is the original Toonami TV spot for it:

If that’s not bad enough take a look at it’s Title Card:

I’ve actually seen the episode and can confirm this as all legit. I’d link to the actual episode as it’s only 8 minutes long but I can’t find one that stays up long enough. Though as far as Dexter’s Lab goes, that’s really the worst it gets. Other than that it’s relatively mellow. There will be a few quips every now and again but nothing to write home about. The Powerpuff Girls however has a plethora of Innuendo. We could start with the fact that Sara Bellum’s address is 69. Maybe the fact that every scene she and The Mayor are together more than likely made little boys pants tighter. We could also you know, cover anything involving the villain Him. However, that’s just too obvious. Plus, I wanted to search for things and personally I feel what I found was funnier.

Here is the first clip:

Here is another good one writhe with innuendo.

Protip: Funniest part is 2:10-2:20:

Next we have Samurai Jack. Really not much I can find on this one it’s really hard. However, to be completely honest I can see why. Samurai Jack is meant to be Genndy’s “serious show.” I can accept this, and I wish I could link up the YouTube Poop version of his encounter with The Scotsman because damn near the whole bridge banter they have is hilarious. I would also post the video where he enters playing his bag pipes and says “By the look on your face I can tell you like the pipes wee laddie” but that’s only really funny if you’ve seen the YouTube Poop version. So instead I chose the video where The Scotsman throws a plethora of insults at Jack.

Here it is:

Now, I actually found a funny unrelated video trying to find a funny interaction between Jack and The Scotsman.

I almost lost my shit with this, so funny:

Finally, we come to the video I Stumbled that started it all. This is a video of Genndy’s new show Symbionic Titan. I used to watch the show a while back but I’d stopped for some reason. This clip in all actuality is quite popular all around the internet right now. There are even some edits and remixes of it. This is an original unedited copy. Even the music was on the show, which is great because the song is absolutely hilarious. You’ll see what I mean. Now after a bit of research I found out that this clip is actually not out of the ordinary for the show. Back when I watched it, the show seemed a tad devoid of this kind of thing, but it would appear that in the increasing years they have gotten a bit more brave with what they do. With shows like Adventure Time and Regular Show taking a large percentage of the hits, it would appear we’ve come full circle. I’m actually a little sad I stopped watching this show.

This is fucking hilarious:

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If We Were Truly Evolved…

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Tree Anus (Photo credit: Mark Sadowski)

Yup… Going to hell, not because I stole that, but because I am genuinely a shitty person. I mean I’m not going to push an old woman down stairs that lead into the middle of a busy highway made of exploding turtle sphincters.

What the fuck did I just write?

Who the fuck knows anymore, I don’t. So, I’ve been gone a few days, it happens. All of the other authors of FFI have apparently been abducted because I haven’t heard shit from any of them.

Well, you know what I say… Fuck em.

Either way, this post is dedicated to the authors of FFI. I hope you enjoy. And if this song applies to you, as well, then I hope you take something from it.

As always, we stay around for you guys, we don’t need to the Internet to have narcissism-fueled monologues. On that note, we like to hear from you guys. Make that happen.

Also, I have a new signature, it is shown at the bottom… For reference, here is the old one (which will still be used from time to time).

Also, feel free to click either of the glorious pieces of artwork for a small “surprise” (a feature that will make its way to all authors signatures).

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The Cast of Norse Pagans

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So this isn’t merely a LuzOb post… but a Luz and Grim post!

also most likely the only text-only Drunk Post… because Mr. Fail is not here…

So yeah…

We like Odin… just sayin’…

Say something deep Grim…………….

Grim here…

May we live our lives forever by the honor and sacrifice of our ancestors, and may the gods always look upon us and smile, for we carry on their names evermore in a world that looks upon our faith with indifference. Praise Tyr for his sacrifice, Praise Thor for protecting Midgard with mighty Mjolnir, and Hail Odin in his infinite wisdom.

Luz back… so there you go… apparently Grim is much more articulate when not exactly sober… also we now have an official toast as well!

Steak when you are hungry
Mead when you are dry
Love when you are lonely
Valhalla when you die!

Honestly I stole that from an old Irish drinkin toast, but fuck ‘em…

Grim wants some drinking toast now…

POWDER TOAST MAAAAAAAN!

okay.. focus focus…

uhm…

we’ve also standardized our Futhark Runic system… which i accidentally called “futherk”…. sorry Odin…

aaaaaaaaanyway….  Here’s Grim…

bEER IS gOOD, bEER IS nICE

sHOW ME bEER, i’LL dRINK IT tWICE… OR tHRICE… oR qUADRICE…

iM DRUNK.

An amulet, “silver strongly gilt”, representing the hammer of Thor. Found in 1877 in Skåne, Sweden. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

*soon to be Odinnssonnoonsonsonsonsonons

also we’ll post something more legit soon!

Bald Eagle Exterminators!

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I fully agree with the ideas listed below. Let’s do this ‘Murica (the rest of the world can join in just substituting where appropriate)!

 

Mr. Inman, if you are seeing this, please realize that I did not in fact steal this. Please don’t assume that I did. In fact, here is another link to your wonderful website: TheOatmeal.

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Good News Everyone! (Pic Heavy)

Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? It is easy, all the work is already done. Also don’t forget to follow our antics on both Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!

Sarah Palin (Photo credit: xomiele)

This day is indeed a grand occasion. Today is the day we all discovered or long lost relatives. This is great because well, they are famous. While we are somewhat famous, especially myself, our relatives are wildly known throughout the world.

So lets start off shall we:

First we have Mr. Fail’s long lost son, Jonah Hill. As you can see here, the family resemblance is uncanny. (Click the pictures to inbiggen)

FISCH FUCKING FAIL!

JONAH FUCKING HILL!

Fucking crazy right? Here is some more:

Here is LuzOb and his brother separated at birth TheFrogman

LuzOb

TheFrogman

Speaking of frog men guess what Fisch Fail Frog, we found yo daddy!

F3

Kremit

We cannot forget about Eldwardo and his uncle Zorro.

Eldwardo

Zorro

Taught him everything he knows….

Then we have Grimnir…

Grim

He is related to THOR GOD OF THUNDER!

….and rock and roll…

No.. I lied it’s actually this guy.

Sam Huntington

Here is Moonpie and his boy.

MoonPie

Also Moonpie

I wonder if Moonpie Sr. is chocolate flavor too…

Here’s a good one of Ech and his lot:

Ech13

Ech Clones

I told him not to take that vacation in Kamino…

In any case here is ErinLovesTheWeb and her pops Drew Carey.

ELTW

Drew Carey

Incidentally, Drew Carey is actually only his stage name. His real name is DrewCareyLovesTheImprov.

Then finally there is me…

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sadly… There are no long lost relatives for… Wait what? I have a sister? Really?

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Holy Shit! (Picture Heavy, also NSFW)

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Fisch (Photo credit: HamburgerJung) I personally think this should become our new logo.

So, Breeish called it. Almost 2 years ago at this point. She said, and I quote “^ I am surprised Fisch doesn’t have a post about this up.” I will be honest, I never actually took the time to look up what the fuck that meant, until now.

Wow, how the fuck did you know?

I don’t much discuss issues of poo, on this here blog (I leave that reserved for Drezirale who no longer posts because he is a cunt), but when I do, I something…. I don’t even know anymore, I apologize.

And now to explain my absence. I’ve been gone, deal with it, as for the other authors, I cannot say. (Although it, sadly,  may be about time to “trim some fat around here”).

On an important side note, remember that the “I’m Addicted To Your Mom” contest is nearing completion, and we are still accepting entries. Remember, with no entries, we cannot announce a winner.

Fuck it, who likes pictures (not related to the previous shit!)?

Eh, who the fuck am I kidding, you guys love pictures, and below are some random ones in no particular order. Have fun! Obviously, most of the following are not original content, sorry if I “stole” from you.

I’m just going to leave this here

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One of my favorite things about this video, is the guy rocking on the “drums.”

If you don’t like that, I’ve got another one for you… It’s called fuck you, asshole… Or, you know “Strong as an Oak,” like it fucking matters anyway.

And for some good fucking measure:

You, dirty little sluts.

On a side note, tonight is AYCOoB, where I may let our readers have some control, leave comments to let me know how to kill them!

Also, there are two new fischims, that you can read below, but you can go to the fischisms page to read them all (new layout for that coming soon)

Him: “There’s chocolate cake in the oven.”
Me: “Oh?”
Him: “Don’t question it.”

“I’ve got to step up to the streets and take care of crime.”

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Two in a Row or Why I am Officially Famous

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So yep… finally back onto the posting flow… I hope? anyway…

Just a quickie for right now as mostly a shameless plug or myself and a site.

…ever go to woot.com? yeah me neither…

no seriously though I just wanted to share with our Norse Pagan friends this shirt:

Níðhöggr!

and if you look into the “Discuss this Deal” section you’ll see…

ME! see? we’re shameless here!

yup… finally a real-life celebrity now… but hold your gnashing of teeth and lamentations for later, for now it is bedtime!

Shotgun-Toting Drunken Santa Claus

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ShotGun hitler (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No… that title makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to the actual post…

Seriously though, enjoy some safe-ass holidays and just remember that at least one of us will still be around to send shout-outs, approve commentary (hint hint) and look out for reblogs.

Thanks for making our blog everything it has become so far.

Happy whateverthefuck from Fisch Fail Inc., and here’s a Tank-esque Hitler just for all of you, as my whateverthefuck holiday gift.

 

 

 

 

 

Responsibility, Not Quite Yet!

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This was originally planned to be a submission for 5 Things To Do Today, however I feel they may be a little too clean to actually post anything by us, even though they do follow us and for that we are grateful.

But enough about that, let us begin. This is going to be a bit different from all our other posts. This story is going to be a real-life honest-to-goodness genuine list! Or something like that.

First let me start off by saying that I am 25 years old, and I am now officially considered an adult by all “logic.” Now I am not saying I am the most intelligent guy around, I still have a lot to learn. In fact, most days I feel a little…

derpy…

But one that I can say I have learned for certain is this: Sometimes being an adult fucking blows… One day you are a care-free child and the next day you are getting bitch-slapped by reality. Time to get a job,. Time to move out. Time to clean up after yourself. All this shit causes stress, and eventually all these stresses add up and cause people to make ridiculous decisions, like hunt down a wild walrus and… PUNCH THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE FACE!

But that not exactly the point of this story, which is how to help alleviate some of the bullshit rattling in your head and making your nearly miserable (or telling you to kill your coworkers).

1. Start a Nerf war: You and the people you live with shoot the piss out of each other with Nerf guns. Don’t have any? Go buy a couple, some of them are actually surprising cheap. Live on you own? Post it on facebook and tell all your other unhappy adult friends to join in. Simple as that.

Holy shit! Do you see how much firepower this motherfucker has? Fucking war zone for days!

And you know a motherfucker is serious about Nerf when their collection includes a fucking paint ball mask!

2. Build a fort and defend that shit!: You know how to do this, gather up all the furniture, furniture pieces (i.e. cushions), bedding, and other shit that you can fin, then build a kick-ass fort. With this you are only limited by your imagination.

SPAM Salad

Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? It is easy, all the work is already done. Also don’t forget to follow our antics on both Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!

Here it is once again, another posting about SPAM.

White bitches bow down (Photo credit: alaspoorwho)

If you recall I have done a few of these in the past, and this one should be no different fundamentally.

Lately, we have received a lot of bullshit, the same generic ones about SEO rankings over and over again, but due to some recent posts we have made, we have received some amazing comments.

So here are some of the better choices:

This grotesque human/wasp hybrid is what leads all of the wasps. It’s fingertips are 12 inch long stingers that are 2 inches wide. This is rarely reported by humans for the very second you see it wasps burst from your eyelids and it’s scream makes a projectile swarm at it’s target. Needless to say if you see it you don’t survive. If you hear buzzing at night don’t open your eyes, it watches you sleep in hopes someone will wake up to be the next victim.

In response to LuzOb’s “Norse Crisis Flowchart”

This piece of writing presents clear idea for the new users of blogging,that truly how to do running a blog.

A “comment” posted on Drezirale’s “Bahn Hammür, or How I Learned To Stop Bitching and Love The Show.”

I loved up to you will receive carried out proper here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an nervousness over that you wish be handing over the following. in poor health for sure come further until now again as exactly the similar nearly a lot ceaselessly inside of case you protect this increase.

Also posted to Drezirale’s “Bahn Hammür, or How I Learned To Stop Bitching and Love The Show.”

That is it, this time around, stay tuned, and have fun!

P.S. I am too lazy to make the above articles links, maybe one of the other authors will do so.

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Beeeeez? BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ!~

Some of you may think bees are scary and that they sting everyone. Well I have done extensive research that proves otherwise. It is my findings that bees are cool peeps so long as you leave them alone. There is a terrible foe out there that masquerades as a bee, this foe pins all of it’s crimes on the gentle bee. This foe is the wasp! Now I know what you are all thinking “Why is the wasp so much worse than a bee?” Well, I could tell you but allow me show illustrations of my findings. Protip: Click the images to expand them.

First I want to start off with some advisories:

This is one of three advisories explaining the different mindsets of bees vs wasps	The Message here is that bees are your friends and wasps are dicks.	Wasps =/= Bros!

Now that the differences in how they act have been established, read the cautionary message about wasps:

Clearly, these are the assholes of the animal kingdom!

Shall we take a closer look into the differences of these particular Apocrita:

Biologically speaking these are the body parts that make up the bee.	If you venture into the wild keep this handy checklist with you for an aid. Also, keep in mind bees die if they sting you once, wasps sting forever.	These are the parts that constitute a wasp.

So Now that we have seen their physical makeup, let us now see how they live:

		<
Here we have a honeycomb from the inside of the bee hive. Look how nice and orderly everything is.	This is the thought process that goes on within the hives.	OH LOOK! It appears that wasps also keep their hives orderly.

But who is charge of these hives you ask? Lets take a look:

This is the Queen bee. She’s pretty much the top shit around the hive. She calls all the shots, gets all of the food before anyone else, and if she does not want to mate no one does. Those with wives and long term girlfriends will know the feeling.

This grotesque human/wasp hybrid is what leads all of the wasps. It’s fingertips are 12 inch long stingers that are 2 inches wide. This is rarely reported by humans for the very second you see it wasps burst from your eyelids and it’s scream makes a projectile swarm at it’s target. Needless to say if you see it you don’t survive. If you hear buzzing at night don’t open your eyes, it watches you sleep in hopes someone will wake up to be the next victim.

Here are some very accurate depictions of both bees and wasps:

This is an image of what a bee actually looks like. They are easy to spot they chill around flowers being happy and peaceful. Their stingers are so tiny if you manage to get stung it tickles and sadly the bee dies after. Unless allergic you’ll have no issue, even then you’ll need roughly around 100 stings. If this manages to happen one antihistamine pill will do the trick.

This is the actual image of a wasp. These massive 9 foot tall monsters will send anyone, even the most healthy into instant anaphylaxis upon sight. Those unfortunate enough to be stung will be sent into a perpetual nightmarish hallucinogenic state before death. If the claymore sized stinger doesn’t cause all the blood in you body to drain. If it came down to getting shot or stung by a wasp, choose getting shot. At least there is a chance you could live. If you are allergic, well *shudder* you don’t even want to know.

Now for some close ups:

Aww it’s a bee’s face, how cute is that? Don’t you just want to hug it?	This is a wasp’s face in a close up view. You just shit yourself.

Do you think the differences stop within nature? No, even in media the differences are clearly apparent:

This is Bumblebee, she’s from DC comics. She works for the Teen Titans mostly, but sometimes aids The Justice League. She’s an all around cool girl, and is always there for her team. She even helped save the world from a mind controlled Superman. That takes some guts.

So this is Wasp. She’s kind of a bitch. She worked for The Avengers but screwed them over by making Scarlet Witch have a mental breakdown and destroy the team. She had a pregnancy scare where she didn’t know if the father was Clint Barton or Hank Pymm… She hosted a reality show where upcoming superheroes degraded themselves for amusement. She was also pro-registration, which means no more secret identities. Hank Pymm had to stop being Ant Man and had to become Yellow Jacket (A type of wasp) just so he could stand up to her. Which made him develop dissociative identity disorder. If she knew her place he wouldn’t need to hit her. Also, her brand of comics have Skrulls, and Skrulls are stupid.

Here have more proof:

This is Bumblebee, he’s a very passive Transformer and Autobot. Whatever medium of Transformers Bumblebee always ends up being best friends with a major human character from earth. Bumblebee is so passive in fact he was mute in the movie. In the first gen of Transformers he was a Volkswagen, which is a car that never hurt anyone.	Here is Waspinator, he’s a Decepticon and a dick…

Lastly, to get my point across I will show you the fruits of each creatures labors:

Bees make honey, it’s very delicious. It goes great with peanut-butter, toast, ice cream, and even asparagus.	Wasps make only pain and suffering…

None of the bee or wasp images are mine! I found them on Google. Credit would go to the deserving people if I bothered to remember.

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Bahn Hammür, or How I Learned To Stop Bitching and Love The Show.

Dark Horse Comics (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So WordPress it’s been some time yes? Well I figured this would be as good a time as any to post as this it all fresh in my head. Normally I avoid names of corporations and people, but this is just not one of those posts. I wish it was, I really do but I just can’t do this that way. Before I begin this somewhat of a rant I really think I should delve out some apologies to avoid those nasty legal issues and hate mail/email/tweets/whatever your medium.

My apologies to the following: FischFail authors, FischFail readers, any particular minority group that takes offense to the rant to follow, the German peoples, people trying to learn new languages, victims of rape from a fatherly figure, followers of the Asatru religion, those offended by swear words, Hulu, the nerd community, readers of comic books, those who watch film and television, NBC Universal, people who like to bitch a lot, victims of the Aurora Colorado tragedy and their families, Heath Ledger friends/family/fans, Anne Hathaway, Jake Gyllenhaal, Christopher Nolan, DC Comics, Marvel Comics, Dark Horse Comics, Walt Disney co. (I actually hit you guys a lot so I want to make you bold), Warner Brothers Entertainment, the homosexual community, Capcom, cutters, 20th Century Fox, People who enjoy classic literature, and the Japanese.
If I missed you and you were offended I apologize for offending you and missing you. Nice huh? You get two.
If you are offended people get two or more when you get less I apologize for that.
If you feel you deserve more for missing you I apologize. {n(x) Go to 13 or 26 depending on your resolution} x = Infinity
If I have not offended you… Fuck you, and I apologize.

Now that the ass saving portion is out of the way lets get down to the brass tacks shall we? So I have recently gotten into the NBC show Grimm. the new season actually already started, I was just catching up on Hulu. If you have never seen it I’m sorry but Hulu had some lame ass time limit on and now you have to have HuluPlus to watch them. I almost didn’t make the time limit myself. I would have been really pissed had I not been able to continue. I digress, Hulu was cool for a hot second now they grubs for the cash, not my point. My point is I went online to find different theories and fan interpretations of the show once I had been caught up. This is what I do, I’m really lame about this, deal with it. However, I was distraughten… Hold on, I know what you are thinking “Distraugten? That’s not a word.” Well if NBC Universal can make up fucking words then so can I. Oh, well I’m getting ahead of myself now, just bare with me. My point is soon to come. Did you notice how I just rambled on for three paragraphs without getting to the meat of this post? Kind of annoying right? (See Apologies Section: Fichfail Readers.)

Right, so I was distressed to see many people actually do not care for this show. This would not normally bother me save for the fact that these reasons, to be quite frank are… kind of fucking stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I have my share of not caring for things for stupid reasons myself, but I don’t bitch about it. Trust me, I’ll get into that later. For now, lets just focus on the topic of the Grimm tv show. I saw people bitching about how the races of the creatures make very little sense or were the “wrong word” to describe them. There were people posting blogs such as this one in hopes the network producers will see the error of their ways. Lets get something straight first of all. Networks do not care about small time blogs much like this one. The reason I have some of them listed in the apologies section at all is for a jovial tone. I mean really, we describe in great detail our experiences taking a shit. Do you really think big network wants to take us seriously? No, the only thing networks look at individuals is if you steal from them or the ever rare audience poll. You know, for rating and what have you.

This aside, there is another aspect of the problem that is wrong. The fact that this show is using the “wrong words” to describe things. I want to make this very clear that it’s a fiction show! Thus, who really gives a fuck. If you don’t like it turn it the fuck off. You want NBC to know how wrong they are? Show them what one less viewer does to them. Note: Sarcasm does not portray well through text. Though the show is loosely based on the tales of The Grimm Fables, and loosely is heavily implied here. The races of the people are entirely made the fuck up. they could be called Gofukyerselvin and I wouldn’t care. This is because, aside from the main character no one is based on any one concrete story or fable. Even still, I my opinion it’s better then what happened when Walt Disney got his rapacious hands on the stories. You can at least admit they are dark like The Brothers Grimm intended.

The only other problem I have with this is the people who say these things. I will be willing to grant leniency to people who German is their first language. Even more so those who speak Old Germanic as a first language, seeing as how the original text of the Grimm books were written in that and I’m assuming where some of the naming of the races in the tv show come from. I’m sure NBC can hire teams of people who can fluently speak the aforementioned languages. You know because it’s a better way to spend money than keeping Eureka running for a few more seasons, but no, I’m not bitter or anything. My point is however, who are you to say what’s right unless you can fluently speak the language. There were a few people that claim they are Germans in Germany who speak German. For this, I call bullshit. This is due in part to the fact there are several references to Adolf Hitler and an episode with his image. Now correct me if I’m wrong but does not the German government try to lock that shit away and any knowledge of it like a teenage girl trying to repress the memory of her father molesting her in a drunken fit? Like, I think people can get arrested and shit over there for even mentioning his name. Though, I could be wrong and then these people would have a bit more of a valid standing point.

Though this actually got me thinking about other art mediums people have bitched about. Take for instance the movie Thor. Those who like/follow Norse Mythos know there were no black people in Ancient Scandinavia. Thus, there would be no black people in Valhalla. The people who told these stories were Norse and so the people they wrote/told about would also be Norse. This is not racism, it’s just simple historical fact. Though, in the movie there was Heimdall blacker than a svartálfar. The truth of the matter is even in the comics he’s still Norse. I know these comics are not exactly accurate to the story of Thor a lot of the time but he was still Norse. This was because of what I like to call the Nick Fury effect. Nick Fury himself was also a white male but after the Iron Man movie they decided to cast him as a black man. Then shortly after, poof, suddenly black in all other media. I actually welcome this, I feel Nick Fury was meant to be a black guy. However, when comics were in their infancy was between the 20′s-50′s. Can you think of a race that wasn’t to popular during that time period? So because the business was was dominated by white males, most of the characters were… white males. Do you sense a pattern here? Read back up by the Norse Mythos section if you don’t really get it.

So in order to actually break into the media these minority groups have to speak up against current reproductions of old stories that do not include them. To some of you it may not seem fair to have something you grew up knowing as one thing change like that on the screen. The problem is you really cannot do anything about. The big film industries are going to listen to the minority groups rather than a bunch of comic nerds and vikings. The fact of the matter is after two hundred or so years of oppression, they’ve gotten a lot more organized and better at bitching than you. One particular instance was the Capcom game Resident Evil 5. There was this big sphell about how it’s wrong that all the zombies were black… in Africa… you know where all black people can trace their heritage to. So now they want black people taken out of this game. I know right? First you want to be put in media, now you want to be taken out? Make up your fucking mind. I personally did not know what came of this because I shut the game off within five minutes and never touched it again. Not because of this debacle mind you, because it just really fucking sucked. The shit made Final Fantasy 7 look playable. So I tried that again… and wanted to slit my wrists with the three broken disks. Square-Enix and fans of Final Fantasy 7 you will find there is no apology for you. You know what you did…

Though I am not without my bias. Luz-Ob will attest this one. I refuse to go see Dark Knight Rises in theaters. I’m a huge fan of Batman and everyone thought I was going to see it opening night. First of all, fuck paying $13 for ANY fucking movie. It could be Pleasure Sex Eyeball Fuck 3 in 5D for all I care and I’ll still wait until the matinee. My main issue with this the fact that a white guy was playing Bane. “But Drez what about your Thor rant?” First of all, fuck you no one is perfect. Secondly, I didn’t say I agree with the choice for Heimdall, just Fury. Thirdly, Bane’s race is pivotal to origin story. Going back to my Thor rant no Heimdall’s race is not really pivotal to his origin but all the same do not agree. Fury, not pivotal and I accept it. I’m also not a fan of Catwoman’s outfit. It’s almost as if they stole Black Widow’s out fit and put cat ear’s on it. Now, these are minor issues I have with the movies. Hell, based on these things alone I’d still go see them. I’m just a huge DC fan and hold all of their movies to a ridiculously high standard that no one meets. I have just never seen a DC movie I liked. The animated shows are great, and I adore the comics, any thing Bruce Timm or Grant Morrison touch is gold. I can never get into the movies. The Marvel movies are great. Maybe it’s because they know what they are doing or maybe I just don’t have that high standards for Marvel being not that big of a fan, although I worry about the next Avengers movie. If I see another Skrull I think I’ll kill myself. All I know is DC movies are not as good as I would wish them.

Even though the Nolan films are closest to the comics they still pale in comparison to what they could be. They actually really suck and it’s rather depressing they do so good in the box office. I have a theory on this, I believe that it’s all on the media hype. I mean look at the numbers in comparison Batman Begins did $75mil versus the $160mil of both Dark Knight and Dark Knight Rises for opening weekend. It’s simple, the plot of the movie was the same in all three movies, same dark setting, same batman, same “genius” director. What could be different? I’ll tell you, the tragedy surrounding them. I mean with Dark Knight you had the death of Ledger, and with Dark Knight Rises you had the shootings. Both of which tragedies I know, but in an economic sense you can’t buy that kind of publicity. I mean shit, after all of that got out how many people do you think the Batman films were more “edgy” and “dark” and wanted to go for some sick thrill of being somehow connected to a tragedy. I’m human too, don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind. Everyone has thought of it and it’s normal. So don’t go around thinking I’m crazy like the asshole who shot those people, because I’m not. I just happen to say what’s on my mind and everyone’s.

The Dark Knight got it’s fame because of Ledger’s death. Everyone was all talking about his role and how great he was. Well, that’s bullshit too. Ledger wasn’t the best Joker, even John DiMaggio did a better job then him. I grew up with Hamill  as my Joker and in my eyes has captured every aspect The Joker needed. Yes, The Joker is dark but he’s also very animated. The point here I’m trying to make is Heath Ledger was a great actor but a shit Joker. Perhaps if he stuck to hitting people with sticks on horses and taking Jake Gyllenhaal to pound town he’d still be alive. Don’t think for a second either that the people behind the Dark Knight franchise didn’t market on that. The only reason Anne Hathaway got to be Catwoman was the first degree of six in relation to Ledger. If you actually sit down and watch the movie without thinking about Ledger’s death you’ll see what I mean and maybe someday I’ll watch Dark Knight Rises when it’s free on the tv. Though as it stands it’s not looking good.

To wrap all of this up bitching never stops anything. None of these big companies will change their ways and the Batman movies will never live up to my standards. Even me bitching about people bitching, which is what this whole post is anyway will never stop them. Even I won’t stop bitching long enough to listen to my own hypocritical advice. The way it works is you either accept status quo or you get in the business and change it yourself. Now you may wonder if this is the way I think then why did I do all of this bitching? Well, bitching to a smaller audience has it’s advantages. If at least one person who thinks bitching about things they can’t change is a good way to go reads this, then I can hope to change the way they see the world. Hopefully, this can spread and we can have a nation of people who want to change shit instead of bitching….. or we become a bunch of defeatists like the Japanese, you know, whatever works.

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