Holy Shit! (Picture Heavy, also NSFW)

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Fisch (Photo credit: HamburgerJung) I personally think this should become our new logo.

So, Breeish called it. Almost 2 years ago at this point. She said, and I quote “^ I am surprised Fisch doesn’t have a post about this up.” I will be honest, I never actually took the time to look up what the fuck that meant, until now.

Wow, how the fuck did you know?

I don’t much discuss issues of poo, on this here blog (I leave that reserved for Drezirale who no longer posts because he is a cunt), but when I do, I something…. I don’t even know anymore, I apologize.

And now to explain my absence. I’ve been gone, deal with it, as for the other authors, I cannot say. (Although it, sadly,  may be about time to “trim some fat around here”).

On an important side note, remember that the “I’m Addicted To Your Mom” contest is nearing completion, and we are still accepting entries. Remember, with no entries, we cannot announce a winner.

Fuck it, who likes pictures (not related to the previous shit!)?

Eh, who the fuck am I kidding, you guys love pictures, and below are some random ones in no particular order. Have fun! Obviously, most of the following are not original content, sorry if I “stole” from you.

Responsibility, Not Quite Yet!

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This was originally planned to be a submission for 5 Things To Do Today, however I feel they may be a little too clean to actually post anything by us, even though they do follow us and for that we are grateful.

But enough about that, let us begin. This is going to be a bit different from all our other posts. This story is going to be a real-life honest-to-goodness genuine list! Or something like that.

First let me start off by saying that I am 25 years old, and I am now officially considered an adult by all “logic.” Now I am not saying I am the most intelligent guy around, I still have a lot to learn. In fact, most days I feel a little…

derpy…

But one that I can say I have learned for certain is this: Sometimes being an adult fucking blows… One day you are a care-free child and the next day you are getting bitch-slapped by reality. Time to get a job,. Time to move out. Time to clean up after yourself. All this shit causes stress, and eventually all these stresses add up and cause people to make ridiculous decisions, like hunt down a wild walrus and… PUNCH THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE FACE!

But that not exactly the point of this story, which is how to help alleviate some of the bullshit rattling in your head and making your nearly miserable (or telling you to kill your coworkers).

1. Start a Nerf war: You and the people you live with shoot the piss out of each other with Nerf guns. Don’t have any? Go buy a couple, some of them are actually surprising cheap. Live on you own? Post it on facebook and tell all your other unhappy adult friends to join in. Simple as that.

Holy shit! Do you see how much firepower this motherfucker has? Fucking war zone for days!

And you know a motherfucker is serious about Nerf when their collection includes a fucking paint ball mask!

2. Build a fort and defend that shit!: You know how to do this, gather up all the furniture, furniture pieces (i.e. cushions), bedding, and other shit that you can fin, then build a kick-ass fort. With this you are only limited by your imagination.

Eldwardo is… Famous? (NSFW)

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One of our top search terms for a long while here at Fisch Fail, INC. is “mexican batman.”

Batman and Robbin (Photo credit: dianaoftripoli)

Seriously, don’t fucking believe me? Look at a sample of our search results below!

What the fuck is wrong with you people? “Skyrim nude,” really?

Mexican Batman actually beats out “skyrim nude,” “nude skyrim,” and “naked women playing skyrim.”

Seriously, how the fuck does this picture:

Eldwardo as the Mexican Batman?

Audio Post — Drunken Lullabies

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You guys get no description with this one…

 

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Cheer Up, It aint that bad!

Hey! Cheer up it ain’t that bad is what everyone says, PFFT! Whatever! I can’t rant about this is all day if I want don’t make me LOL!

Just kidding!

I thought I would share this picture I stumble across a about a week ago and it seems like it make me feel a bit better… Nothing wrong with that right! Inspiration is good, am I wrong?

SO Anyway, This is what I was referring to earlier that I stumbled upon a week ago. I felt the words as I read then, they  are powerful and it just gets to me sometimes because of the way I act occasionally. You all know you can not say you don’t feel the same way too sometimes, or occasionally. All it ever seems to me is that we get sad or upset because of the things we do not have instead of opening your eyes and looking at what you have right in front of you!

Nonetheless enjoy!

Uplifting I think

I borrowed this picture from a website, here is the link to it http://sp1.fotolog.com/photo/17/26/125/takalook/13406157136474_f.jpg

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Beat that fucking horse, once again…

Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? It is easy, all the work is already done. Also don’t forget to follow our antics on both Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!

Madam Red with Grell Sutcliff (Photo credit: davidyuweb)

Hey guys, it is fischfail, I’ve been gone for a while once again, and it is not something I am going to apologize for again. But I can offer a brief explanation as to my whereabouts…

Like I said, I’ve been going for a while, so long in fact that I (just like every other author we have) missed deadlines for contests that we had running, as well as our second birthday.

Now, you may be asking yourself: “What? You mean this place has actually been around for over two fucking years now?” But more than likely, you are asking “Why does that actually matter? You guys didn’t do shit, and it is only your fault that no one celebrated it…”

And that is true, to an extent. I’ve been busy, ErinLovesTheWeb has been busy, fucking LuzOb has been busy… We have all been fucking busy, and none of us have been spending much time around here lately.

Shit happens…

Either way, I’m saying this right here, right now: both the “FFI’s Next Top Model” and “FFI’s Logo Design Contest” will run another full fucking year.

But that is not the only fucking awesome news… No! We are also starting a new fucking contest. You guys have heard me discus the concept of “I’m Addicting to Your Mom” and you guys can become part of it. It is very simple, tell us a story, any story, if we like it, we will have fun with it.

For instance, maybe there was a time you got stuck in a couch; maybe, just maybe you tickled a moose’s vagina; maybe you lost your virginity to an entire testosterone fueled football team; whatever your story is, as long as it is real, tell us. We want to hear all about it.

Don’t worry, all the above information will have its own page right here on the blog, with all the rules and requirements that go along with it.

Seriously you guys, we know you visit us, we know you read us… Make us hear you; yell at us, talk to us, fuck you can even throw us a ham sandwich. We don’t care, just speak up, chime in, and let us know what you are thinking.
And I don’t want to hear any shit about “well, you guys do not have accounts on any of the things I like!” To that, good Sir or Madam, I call bullshit. We are constantly growing and digging our odd sense of humor into more and more locations around the interwebs…

Maybe you like forums, well you can click this fucking link here: Forums

Maybe, you prefer facebook: Facebook or even Facebook fan page

Twitter?

Reddit?

Tumblr?

Digg?

Youtube?

Delicious?

Linked In?

Maybe you prefer to text me personally? Sure, not a fucking problem, just dial 1-734-252-6387 into whatever fucking fancy mobile device is in your pocket. Send me a text message; send me a picture; fuck, send me a fucking voice mail. I don’t care.

Or perhaps you like only communicating via e-mail? Again, not a fucking problem, send me a fucking message at: Gmail, Hotmail, even motherfucking Yahoo?

See what I mean? We can be found all over the fucking place! And the best part is? Those aren’t even half of them… Seriously, look us up, we can be contacted and any way you see fit!Not to mention, here at the home of Fisch Fail, INC.

Seriously, at any of those fucking places can you send me comments, pictures, videos, whatever you want… We want to hear from you. Make it happen.

Now that I am done on my soapbox, we will see you later… And don’t forget to check out the contest sections listed above. Seriously, you guys might learn some new shit!

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Back from the dead.

Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? It is easy, all the work is already done. Also don’t forget to follow our antics on both Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!

Hey guys, it’s me, fischfail. I bet you never thought I would return, didn’t you. Don’t fear though, it takes a lot to keep me down and out,

A child sad that his hot dog fell to the ground. Photographer’s blog post related to this photo. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

although it has been getting easier to do so.

You will have to forgive me for not posting recently, between the veritable laundry list of illnesses, stress due to school and work, and a sudden onset of depression, I haven’t had much will to do very much. And while I will spare you all from most of that, I will share the following with you.

Today, I woke up with severe neck pain that prevents me from turning my head without excruciating pain shooting throughout my body, which is also causing my back to tighten back up, and not to even mention my teeth…

Obviously, not my real mouth.

But enough of the sad stuff surrounding my life.

Although the story behind this post is a little saddening as well, but for other reasons… I’ve been gone for a while; this is a clearly known fact (my last real post being made March 29, 2012). But I had a plan, a glorious and triumphant return: a plan that would make Fisch Fail, INC amazing, once more.

Sadly though, that plan was dashed away by the sudden and somewhat concerning disappearance of someone who has had very little mention here: StarStorm.

It would have been a post surrounding one of the two things authors of Fisch Fail, INC can actually admit to enjoying: video games and attractive women. This particular story would have focused on gaming and one very amazing online interaction that I personally encountered.

However, since that is likely to have gone out the door I am here to make this post, which will actually be combining a couple of posts that I had planned on making.

But now that I am done with the second sad bit of this post, it is time to move on to fun! Most of the following does not need further explanation… Or maybe they do, I am not really sure.

How did they know?

…I don’t even know…

Uhhhhhh, what is his name?

Actually, I saw this while driving to school. Unfortunately that was the only picture that ErinLovesTheWeb was able to snap off before the vehicle disappeared into a nearby suburb. Either way, let us continue.

That is kinda how Fisch Fail, INC. is.

Admit, you’ve been there…

Who hasn’t wanted to beat the fuck out of the annoying kid next to them at the LAN party?

So would I… I think

I wonder how many takes that took?

Yup, exactly as I pictured it.

This still manages to creep me out… Please make it stop.

Get the fuck out of my way.

This picture is not only awesome, but will piss Drezirale off.

And now for Fisch Fail, INC’s first ever post including actual nudity…

The sexiest pics of 2011 as chosen by Fisch Fail, INC., and some news!

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Titanomaxia Trilemma Supra Saga~ ready to initiate the ultimate game (Photo credit: KevinHutchins314)

So, I’ve actually been meaning to make this post for about a month now, and I don’t exactly know what has kept coming up to prevent me from doing so, but here it is. I was part of a group creation, along with ErinLovesTheWeb, Jihawk, Digustipated, Starstorm, Saga, and maybe a couple of others (if I forgot you, I sincerely apologize, buy you could leave a comment, and let me know!)

Let me introduce to you: The South East Michigan Independent Gaming Alliance of Yesteryear. Which is also known as The Semi-Gay. You want to join, send me a message (there are plenty of places where you can do so), and we will see what we can do.

And lets move onto the next bit of news… Does anyone but me remember Fisch Fail live events? I miss that shit, I might try to bring it back. They were fun while they lasted, and it was a good way for you guys to actually get to speak with us and meet us “in person.”

Also, I think we all forgot about this… But we need logos! Any of you remember the logo contest we had going on? The one where you guys were supposed to create a logo for us, so we can have official pictures that apply to us. The contest is simple, you guys design us an image that portrays the concept of Fisch Fail, INC (and if you don’t know what that means, perhaps you could take some time and read some of our older posts, it might clear some things up). We then take your logo design and make sure it gets immortalized for all the world to see… Or at least those who read our blog.

Speaking of contests, we are still looking for a model for some official Fisch Fail, INC flavor (personally, I like chicken and salmon, but you guys can choose other ones that are more to your liking). We could really use contestants, or else you guys get to see us presenting the magical gear and no one wants to see that. And I promise you guys, you will love it.

Also, you should never forget about “I’m Addicted to Your Mom!”

And now for the reason you guys are actually reading this post, the sexiest pictures of 2011 as judged by Fisch Fail, INC.

So let’s set the world on fire…

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Just for you Drezirale… I know how much you love that song…

Let's Get Down (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Either way, I am back now (we had some issues surrounding wireless that I could not fix…), and now

lets resume where we left off…

Yet another Pictophone booklet, this one was started by the very amazing ErinLovesTheWeb..

01

I don’t think We’re in Kansas anymore.

02

03

Don’t think about shoes or the dog will bite you.

04

Blessed are the days when life is intent and clear

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This is the third installment of my pictophone series. This booklet comes from the very awesome B.E.N. (whose name may change in

the future)…

Either way, here we go. And once again, I will make sure to make captions for the written pieces of artwork.

#1

I am a jelly donut

#2

#3

I am singing about a box of raisins

#4

#5

Sing take me out to the ballgame

#6

#7

Singing baseball player

#8

#9

I’m not exactly sure what happened here, but it says “I sing while playing baseball”

#10

Ten more image brought to you by the game called pictophone. And now you all know that the phrase “I am a jelly doughnut” directly translates to a screaming man with a gigantic misshapen club-like penis singing while a baseball hurls towards him.

For some bonus content for you guys, I leave you this.

And that is it for me for today. Keep being fucking awesome you guys.

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Over the Rainbow

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When driving home from class this past Saturday, I noticed a car I had never seen before.

Normally that wouldn’t at all be surprising, and I am not that educated when it comes to the monstrous beasts (believe me when I say, they might as well work by magic).

But now that aside is done, let me begin my story.

I had just merged on a rather popular interstate highway, when I noticed this car. A Ford C-Max. Much like the one below…

The only difference being the one I saw was dark purple. So far this story is not that interesting or entertaining. But then I saw another directly in front of that one. Except it was purple, just like that fucking dinosaur I’m sure we all remember so well. but if you don’t let me give you a brief introduction…

Ewwwww. Now that the “video” has finished let me continue my strange little story.

However let you give you a brief recap… I enter the interstate highway and see a vehicle (Ford C-Max) that I’ve never seen before. It was dark purple…

Directly in front of that one was a purple Ford C-Max…

Okay still not entirely strange. But then I noticed there was yet another Ford C-Max in front of that one… A blue one. Still noticing nothing too strange, I light a smoke and continue on my journey home, and as I round a curve I notice yet another C-Max… This time in green.

I look at the cars in a line to verify that I am in fact not crazy and my brain was just telling me the wrong color (or the paint job that actually changed colors). Sure enough there were four of them in a row, (from back to front) colored dark purple, purple, blue, and green.

I look forward down the line of cars in the lane and notice a yellow car. I can only guess that it was yet another Ford C-Max… Except this one was following an orange one which in turn was following a red one…

My thoughts start reeling… Am I truly looking at a rainbow created by Ford C-Max vehicles?

Yes, yes I am…

And then I notice something else…

They all change lanes at the exact same time, would all turn on or off headlamps at the exact same second, and change   speeds at the same rate and time.

Okay, so I saw 7 Ford C-Max cars just so happening to make a rainbow… Big deal. But then something surprising happened…

The red one changed lanes, and reduced speed. As soon as the yellow car was in front, it also switched lanes. This continued happening until they were all in the reverse order (from first to last: dark purple, purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red).

Finally, after following closely behind for 15 minutes, the take an exit not to be seen again.

It kinda made a rather shitty day, a little less gay… Somehow.

Either way, kinda cool marketing/sales strategy.

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If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy, I could have won

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Time for part 2 of the pictophone series. Stand back and watch the awesome unfold.

Image via Wikipedia

If you remember from the first post I made, I discussed how the game goes, the one thing I forgot to mention is: everybody in the circle does this at the same time (if you have five people playing, there are five people either writing or drawing at the same time).

This “booklet” (the name I will use to describe one stack of papers) comes from StarStorm (more on him in the future). And now that I think about it, I forgot to mention the author of the first booklet, JiHawk (also more of her in the future). My apologies ma’am, please don’t shank me for forgetting to mention you.

Remember to scroll slowly, taking in each amazing piece of written masterpiece and showmanship of pure artistic talent.

#1

It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your cloths

#2

 

#3

Hot airplanes gaining altitude love clothes

#4

 

#5

Flying planes love clothing?

#6

 

#7

Fly your heart to clothes

#8

 

#9

A flying heart leads to empty clothes (which can be strangely accurate!)

#10

 

Well, there you have it. Pictophone part 2. I hope you guys enjoyed this one as much as the last, and I do have more lined up and ready to be shown to the world, but I think one pictophone booklet is enough for one post.

So, until next time, remember: Don’t take life too seriously. It might just kill you.

 

P.S. The title of this post is brought to you by the following song.

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Where the hell am I?

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Since neither Drezirale nor LuzOb could give this story to the Internet, I decided to step up to the plate and make it myself, although I

Image via Wikipedia

don’t remember (nor do I know) all the details (perhaps one of them will step in a add some insight), I will try  and report what I do know.

A few weeks ago (I don’t know the exact date off hand), I got home from school on a Saturday afternoon extremely tired. If I recall I hadn’t slept the night before (fuck you insomnia!), and went to school completely exhausted. Upon returning home, I decided I would check my email, and while doing so, starting falling asleep at my computer. After much discussion, LuzOb and Drezirale convinced me to go to bed (this being around 19:00 our time).

I trudge down the hallway and in a slate of exhausted delirium, I stumble into bed and proceed to get some of the best sleep I have ever received. A short while later, I wake up with an incredible urge and pressure building in my bladder. An urge I could no longer ignore. I climb out of bed, put on my robe, and stumble into the bathroom in the same drunken delirium that I previously described.

I distinctly remember walking to the bathroom, emptying my bladder, and felt a sense of relief flush over my body as I flushed the toilet.

That is the last thing that I clearly remember…

Then everything gets fuzzy.

After I flushed the toilet, I apparently decided to leave the bathroom, turn the wrong direction (back towards the living room), and walked into the unoccupied bedroom of Drezirale (he was in the living room at the time).

The next thing I know, Drezirale is beating at me silently demanding to know “what the fuck am I doing in his bedroom!?” This continues on for a while, with me never being able to fully wake up. Eventually my eyes peel open, and something seems wrong, something is out of the ordinary. My bed is the wrong firmness… It’s too hard. The room is too bright… Why the fuck is Harley Quinn staring me in the face? Where the fuck did I get a television?

Then it dawns on me. This is not the bedroom I sleep in every night…In fact, there is nothing about this bedroom that greets me by saying “hello fishfail, wouldn’t you like to rest?” Instead, this room screams “get the fuck out!”

I wearily climb out of the bed, and stumble back into the living room, where LuzOb and Drezirale are both sharing a laugh at my expense…

I bleakly look around, and realize it is only about 20:00. I had been asleep for less than an hour before the excursion to the bathroom… To this day, I still don’t know exactly what happened… All I do know is I awoke in the wrong bed, in the wrong room, smelling the wrong smells…

God, I wish I could blame this entire experience on drugs and/or alcohol…

But I cannot, just severe sleep deprivation… Fucking awesome.

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Once upon a time…

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Image via Wikipedia

There was a blog aptly named Fisch Fail, INC.  and it did… Stuff.

So, it’s been a short while since I’ve last posted. And there are plenty of stories to be

shared with that. And hopefully

they will all come into existence very soon.

Since, it seems most of my authors have disappeared into the abyss, there has been a shortage of posts recently. A

lso, Ullersson, if you happen to read this, I do have a signature for you. I’ve actually had it for months… You can ask Luz about getting a hold of me.

So either way, ErinLovesTheWeb and I are part of a new group (which you will hear about in the very near future. But today’s story is related to it, however no background information is needed for that at this time.

There is a game we’ve been playing for a short while, called Pictophone. If you’ve never heard of the game, let me explain the rules.

 

1) Find a group of people.

2) Give each person sheets of paper equal to the number of people in the group.

3) Each person writes a phrase or statement on the first sheet of paper.

4) Everyone passes their entire stack of paper (picture on front) to the person on their left.

5) The new person puts the phrase on the back of the pile of the papers.

6) The new person then draws a picture representing the original phrase.

7) The person then passes the entire stack of papers to their left again.

8) The new person then looks at the picture, and moves it to the back of the stack.

9) The new person then writes a statement describing the picture (they are not allowed to look at anything but the top sheet).

10) Repeat until the circle has completed.

11) Read the results and have many lolz.

It sounds silly, but it is a lot of fun.

The following is one example from a night of play. I will include captions for the written sheets of paper. Scroll slowly to fully take everything in.

#1

December is for cynics

#2

 

#3

You should tell your cold friends when the calender shows snow on trees.

#4

 

#5

The screaming calendar man helps the monkeys with mittens.

#6

#7

Sleep Monkey

#8

 

#9

The monkey’s on a leash while you sleep

 

#10

 

And that is basically the game (well 1 of 5 peoples chain of translations). I will try and post a different one every couple of days. By the end of the night, we were all screaming in pain from laughter.

 

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A something a little more… Lighthearted.

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So, after yesterdays post of sadness, I decided to make this one… According to the Internet, blog readers love lists. I know, I personally almost always read lists when I come to one (Side note: Fuck you cracked.com, for making me waste hours and hours reading your fucking lists, except we are way cooler).

So, in case you might have missed them, I leave you a list of our top posts over the last two years, in order… Strangely enough, most are made by MoonPie.

10. Art for the Sake of Art – Ullersson

9. I Ate an Author Today – LuzOb

8. FFI is Getting Weird – LuzOb

7. Do You Really Know if Your Private Information is Secure? – MoonPie

6. So Sad… Dear Mommy and Daddy – MoonPie

5. Have You Ever? – fischfail

4. We’ll Hop Hop Hop Hop… What D’ya Say? – LuzOb

3. Facebook Format Change Again! Stop it Zuckerberg – MoonPie

2. The Good Guys Always Seem to Finish Last… Whys That? – MoonPie

1. Do You Know the MUFFIN MAN? – MoonPie

There you have it. Our top ten most views posts since we started almost two years ago. Hopefully, you guys have already seen all those, but if you have not, there they are.

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