Posted: July 26, 2010 by fischfail in Employment, Health, Life
Tags: , ,

I have a problem that I cannot explain,
I have no reason why it should have been so plain,
Have no questions but I sure have excuse,
I lack the reason why I should be so confused

In 2002, System of a Down released the CD “Steal This Album!” and honestly track 15, Roullete, was (and still is) my favorite track on the entire album.  To this day, it is a song I listen to whenever I’m not feeling myself, either by depression or illness.  Which brings me to the purpose this post.

Currently, I am not feeling well.  In fact, me feeling ill caused me to cut hanging out with friends tonight.  The problems are numerous, so let’s begin at the beginning.  First, I’ve had horrible heartburn for about 2 days now, and nothing has helped.  This leads to the upset stomach that I have been experiencing, which again nothing has helped with.  Everything I try to eat has gotten revenge shortly after.  As such, I have started to have pretty vicious headaches.  Now, all of this may be a direct result of this fucking heat, or it could be a result of something worse.  Then, we can consider the fact of how utterly hot I’ve been the last 2 days, which is promoting the heartburn.

So, enough of the boring sick stuff…  For those of you who know me, you probably know that I’ve suffered from a mild depression for quite some time, and today I had an “attack.”  It began when I was driving home from ErinLovesTheWeb‘s, and I started thinking about how much money I owe my mom.  Then I started thinking about how much money I’m going to owe my uncle for services rendered on my car.  Then I started thinking about how little I work, and as such how little I make.  it was just sort of a downward spiral from there.  And then things got worse, I won’t get into those personal issues, but they are oddly strange.  It is pretty easy to see that I am not quite myself, I am feeling less Fisch and more Fail, but that isn’t positive thinking at all.

This will be the last post before the work week, and unfortunately I will not be posting again until next week.  So, until then, take it easy guys.

  1. I understand the debt dilemma you’ve got there, however you were smart enough to not take money from banks who will charge you more and more and more until you pay everything off regardless of anything. Family is understanding, especially when they see you are not working all that much. It may look like an ever chasm but you will graduate from school and you will get a great paying job and you will pay off all your debt, its just a matter of time (and that sucks). But que sera sera.

    • That was actually more insightful than I expected. That’s not to be rude, but you usually don’t provide insight like the above. Thank you for the confidence, I’m happy to read that you have more faith in me than I do.

  2. I love you dearly hun. I’m sorry that your day has been such utter crap. 😦 I know you can get through this. And I’m here to do whatever I can to help. I hope you know that.

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