Happy Endings.

Posted: August 3, 2010 by fischfail in Random, Satire
Tags: ,

As children, everyone heard the stories that all ended with happy endings. The princess wakes up being free of the evil step-mother, the princess finds love. The girl is saved at the last second by an ax-wielding sociopath. You know the stories…

Today, I’m going to discuss how ridiculous this is (from my point of view). First, these stories set children up for a lifetime of disappointment. In all these stories it basically comes down to love at first sight, a concept I strongly disagree with (I feel a more appropriate saying is “lust at first slight, with a chance of love,” but that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue). But we can’t give that children such a bleak view of the world. But let’s think about this realistically, how many of you are with your first partner still (as happens so often in these stories?). I’m willing to bet that none of you are. And if you are, how do you know this is the person you love? There are billions of people in the world, there has to be someone better suited for you.  But anyway, in these stories the two characters meet once (usually by chance/fate), fall in love, get marries, and have children. You know how many people I’ve met by random chance and haven’t fallen in love with? All of them; Let me ask you another question, how many of you have had more than one partner.

Which actually leads me to my second point for hating these stories. In all of them, a lovely distraught individual falls in love with a healthy, well off, usually rich person.  And the love is completely mutual. Now, don’t gt me wrong, this does happen in real live. But it sets children up for a lifetime of problems.  A depressed teenager awaits her “knight in shining armor,” her perfect mate. But there is one problem; no matter how perfect a partner seems, they are not ever perfect.

Then we get to the aspect of people being perfect. And let’s face it, has anyone in the entire history of mankind been perfect (whatever that means)? No, we all have out flaws and masks.  But these stories build the perfect person (again setting up hopes for the future). But seriously?  I mean, I am not a “typical” guy in many senses, and I am defiantly not gay, but these fucks make me swoon, weak in the knees, or sick. Pure and simple, no one is perfect.  No one.

Now, don’t get me wrong, as a small child I had dreams of wearing “shining armor that glows in the summer sun, traveling across country on a horse, saving a damsel in distress, falling deeply in love, and then marrying her.” Pft, I have a few arguments against this. 1) My size implodes horses. 2) Have you ever worn armor? That shit is not comfortable, and its hot. You’re in a fucking oven, sweating your ass off. So lets consider this, you’re riding a horse (an animal that reeks) for miles and miles, baking in the sun, sweating (and god know what else) in this fucking metal box.  You theoretical smell offends my head. And who really wants that?  3) If you’re in distress, you’re not trying hard enough…  Rapunzel, your hair is strong/long enough for a prince charming to climb it? Are you fucking kidding me? Develop some fucking brains, repel down for your tower using it, cut it off at the bottom, and fucking run. 4)  I don’t believe in love at first sight.

Yeah. Sorry if I don’t quite believe in happy ending, but I am a realist.  And I’m not saying I have never been in love. In fact, I have quite a bit of love for ErinLovesTheWeb. Will is end happily for us? Who knows, but I am hoping it does so. But realistically, I know that shit happens. I also understand these stories are important for the developing mind, but I feel they provide unrealistic expectations. Encouraging your children to think for themselves. Tell them a  story and then have a discussion about everything that is wrong (let them lead the discussion, you just agree and possibly offer questions).

Now, I know this is not everyones view, and I respect that. And I can only hope that when I decide to breed, my partner is okay with this method of teaching. I want my children to think outside of the box. I don’t ever want to restrict a child from thinking. If i can have an intelligent conversation with a 10 year old regarding the reasons God does or does not exist, I am happy. But give me a kid with with a realistic perception and intelligence and you’ve given my life meaning.

As I said, I do not want to retard any kids to the particular way that I think or how any other one person thanks, for that matter. I mean if something dramatic in my life occurs, and I convert to a life of Christianity (not likely, but stranger things have occurred), I wouldn’t want my children growing up, following my way of thinking, I want to raise them to make discoveries on their own. It is also the reason I could never be a teachr.

Needless to say, I don’t exactly believe in happy endings, and I don’t want to raise children to believe in them. To believe you should just wait, and in the end works out just fine.  And on that note…

Once upon a time a young man was born. When he was a teenager he became severely depressed and almost killed himself. Later in life, he fell in love (again and again and again). Eventually he got married and was incredibly happy, for once in his life. Then his partner died of a curable disease (that they couldn’t afford, because they both worked minimum wage jobs just to make it by). And he was fact to live the rest of of his life in misery and sadness… The end.

  1. eldwardo says:

    I read that last part in your voice and can’t stop laughing!

    By the way, there is 1 perfect person in this word.
    Bruce Campbell.

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