Don’t Stop Me Now!

Posted: August 8, 2010 by fischfail in Gaming, Nerd
Tags: ,

Sorry that I have been gone for so long.  I would try and justify myself by saying that I have been busy, but that is not true.  Instead, I have just been lazy…  And working on more “And, you climb out of bed…” stuff, but more on that later.

So, I recently started playing a character in a horror campaign run by none other than the very amazing ErinLovesTheWeb, it is going incredibly well, and I for one am incredibly impressed considering this is her first time running a game.  So for a little background, this game is centered around a prefabricated campaign where the adventurers storm a town that is being overrun with undead.  I am playing a level 6 monk/rogue (because I am a skill whore…) and Dan is playing a level 6 Cleric (who has all sorts of special powers!) who has an awakened badger (see below) that tells people (yes, the badger can talk! And do spells!) he is a wizard who met an unfortunate experiment.

His name is Francis.So Dan and myself enter this town, and immediately start to get freaked out, think of all the typical horror movie scenarios, and throw them together…  Any one who knows D&D knows that clerics and undead go hand in hand.  However, Dan’s character is not allowed to hit (or kill) living creatures…  What type of adventurer cannot kill stuff?  Anyways, we are fighting in the streets, “killing”  zombies and other dead shit..  Then, out of nowhere a pair of fucking varghouille come out of the sky, now if you have never seen one of these sick bastards, look below.

VargouilleNow, this is a description taken directly from the WoTC “Monster Manual”

This creature looks like a hideous, distorted human head suspended from leathery wings. In place of hair, it is crowned with writhing tentacles, and its eyes burn with a menacing green flame…

Now ErinLovesTheWeb, added this little fact “…their mouth appears to be dripping with black goo.”  Great, this does wonders for the image I already have in my mind.  Oh! Did I mention they have a sonic attack that causes paralysis via fear (however, this is not their only form of attack)!  So, these things are screaming at us, and Dan casts a bubble of silence while simultaneously flipping them off.  Now, throw Dire Maggots into the mix, a four foot long maggot.

Dire Maggot

These fucking things bite you, and you become paralyzed.  We are thinking we are fucked!  So, this fucking maggot bites me, and I laugh at it paralysis attempt.  So his buddy bites me…  Right in the gut.  And this time I do not pass my fort save, and I cannot move…  That is when things get fun.  The first vargouille flies down directly in front of my face.  I want you to think about this…  This thing is terrifying looking, and it is this point that ErinLovesTheWeb mentions its breath.  In short, it reeks. The next thing I know, a huge tongue is slithering (there is no better term, for this) out of its mouth and into my face.  The vargouille’s tongue tracks around my face, before sliding up my nose, around my lips, and finally into my mouth.  This fucking monster is french kissing me…

ErinLovesTheWeb is kind enough to describe this event as such:

Imagine you’ve taken a hunk of meat, and you’ve set it out in the sun for several weeks, and then you take what is left over of that meat, and you put it in your mouth. It has the texture of snot.

Dan is kind enough to remind me, this “meat” is now liquid.  At this point, I have no idea what this means, but I am not feeling well, and I want this “rot snot” (a term coined by me, at that exact moment) off my face and out of my mouth.  My next turn, I escape my paralysis, and kill both vargouille.  So, we fast forward a little bit and we are at out next encounter.

Now, we are in a courtyard, we can see one human and 10 zombies.  Dan takes care of this with his magical turning ability, and in two rounds all but one is down.  This we can handle.  This zombie, an infected entomber, charges the human (a paladin) and begins attacking her.  I run by her side, and make a successful trip attempt, he is now on the ground and at our mercy.

Now, imagine this zombie. He is laying on the ground trapped between me (a monk/rogue), a paladin, and well.  Eventually, Dan joins the foray, and is slapping the downed beast with healing spells (heals kill the undead, weird, but true).  Finally, Dan’s follower (a warforged named Faithfull) covers the final open spot.  Everytime this fucker tries to stand up, he provokes an attack of opportunity from all of us (4).  and I couldn’t help but think of this  (Caution, you may want to turn the speakers down, this is a little loud):

That’s right, we were playing a tabletop game, and turned it into a “Sean of the Dead” moment.  We were all taking our chances curb stomping this son of a bitch to death.  Literally.  All in all, an epic campaign.

  1. The title makes me think of Queen’s song.

  2. Gah! I clicked to soon!

    This sounds like an awesome campaign. If I had more free time, I would at least like to sit in on it once.

  3. Dan says:

    it rocks! 🙂

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