Dredging up memories.

Posted: December 15, 2010 by fischfail in Uncategorized

So I said last night (or rather early this morning, should this actually be posted before midnight tonight) that I had to work today and as such a nice lengthy post (the type you all know and love) would probably be coming from me.  And, I am pleased to say, you will not be disappointed, this one should be good.  Chock full of clickables, other stuff, and amusing reading.  Sit back, grab your favorite warm beverage (be it coffee, hot chocolate, or some other drink that just makes you feel warm, I prefer rum!), enjoy, and let Fisch Fail, INC. clear you head of any worries.  After all, it is the holidays.

Wow…  Could that opening get any fruitier?  No, not even if I sprinkled it with Fruity Pebbles (that is on my Christmas list, by the way!).

So, as previously mentioned, the holidays are nearing, and while I think it would be fantastic of all of you to give Fisch Fail, INC. a Christmas gift (donations are our friends), donations are not necessary (they are appreciated) for us to continue running.  On a side note, in case I forget to actually say it when the time comes Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (if you celebrate other occasions, have joyous ones)!

Now, onto the real post and today’s topics*.  So it seems lately that I have run into many old friends from high school, which is cool, and it is totally something I am thankful for, but with that comes one guarantee, and it is this.  We’ll begin a conversation, and then suddenly way out of left field will come the question “So, how is [insert your favorite ex of mine’s name] doing?  Haven’t heard from them much?” Okay, I understand this is bound to happen, you don’t see somebody for a few years, things change.  Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.  ErinLovesTheWeb understands this fairly well, and I’m sure many of you guys understand it too.  But, either way, it is one of those things I always try to brush off and pass jokes about the whole situation, doesn’t mean I am completely over it by any means, but I’ve moved on and am much happier.  So, I guess the purpose of this portion is this: Yeah, it hurts, and until everyone understands it is the past, I will continue to explain it in the only way I know how:  The slight nervous/awkward chuckle I do, my ever-charming smile, and then a joke about the whole situation.  This of course is always ended with the awkward hug (guys hug too, it’s just differently, faggots!).

Well, that was a fun little blurb, thing.  I think.  So, on another note, a few days ago Luz posted something about how awesome I am, and how he is totally gay for me (in a non-homoerotic way) or some such shit.  But, it is something I really appreciate.  Luz and I have been through a lot of shit together, and in the 17 years that I have known him, he has become a brother that I never had (I have a few other “brothers,” but I rarely come into contact with them much, which is quite unfortunate.  But Pudd, if you read this, know that both me and Luz miss you fucker).  But either way, it looks like tomorrow Luz and I are going to have an old-school hangout.  The type where we sit around and hang out, I take a look at his computer and he pays me with alcohol.  It is a good relationship there.  Long story short, hope to see a post from Luz or me tomorrow from his computer should be fun.

Next order of business, I still want to know where the fuck Eldwardo, Stephanovitch, Breeish, ErinLovesTheWeb, and all my other affiliates that I enjoy reading stories from,  disappeared to.  Did you all go on a fucking vacation together and not take me!?  In the words of both Luz and Eldwardo DAS DILDOS!  You fuckers better come back soon, or I’m going to forget you all exist.

Ignore this whole section, there is something magical written here that none of you can see, because its something I need to talk about, but I can’t.  Now don’t go getting all sappy on me and shit.  None of this “What’s going on?” bullshit.  It’s nothing like that.  It’s just something that I cannot talk about, but I kinda need to.  That means I have to actually interact with real people….  FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Wow, talk about memories.  I just found something I had written a long time ago…  Here is excerpt:

This is dedicated to two of the greatest people a person could ever have as a friend, Brian and Emily, both of whom have had ample opportunities to give up on me, both as a friend and a person, and neither of you ever did. Brian and Emily, you two are truly a gift from God.

“First off, true friends don’t give up on their friends no matter how much of a fucking titty-douche bag he is being. I know that I’ve said that I was giving up on trying to be your friend, but truthfully, I could never do that. Ask Emily, almost every time I called and you were too busy, I said I was through with you. I guess that’s why I stopped calling (sarcasm) I never really stopped calling.

Another thing. If you miss the old times so much then fucking go back to them. IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START GO BACK TO THE FUCKING BEGINNING!!! Yea things have changed, but shit they are only small changes. Now put your fucking tampon back in, stop bitching and be everyone’s goddamn friend again! I will wait the rest of my life for your ass to fucking come back. You know why? Because I truly want things to be how they were. If you are truly serious about missing us so goddamn much then you would just fucking do it. I mean shit it’s not the hardest thing in the world to be someone’s friend. Shit it’s the fucking easiest.”

–        Brian Davidson

Chapter 1

Half of Maria’s apartment complex had been awoken due to her blood-curdling scream; the other half awoke to the auditory assault of screaming sirens and the visual barrage of lights that could have made any Fourth of July festivities seem mediocre, at best.  By the time the sirens came to a halt, the entire complex had awoken, and just as quickly as onlookers emerged at the scene, they were being ushered away and made to stand behind a makeshift barricades.  The scene that materialized before the gathering crowd was one of both awe and horror and the rumors began to fly.

How’s that for the start of a fucking story?  Man, holy shit.  I seriously had forgotten all about that story.  I literally just found it while at work.  That is rather cool.  Spoiler alert, it’s a story about suicide.  And that my friends, is all that will EVER be released.  Actually the funny part about that little blurb is this: While it was dedicated to two people in particular, it was never meant to actually be seen by either of them.  Isn’t life funny sometimes?

Another small blurb about memories before I get off the fucking topic, I ran into Beowulf today, he’s a decent motherfucker.  But he made me remember some shit about acting and directing.  Well, mostly directing, but hell do I miss the stuff.  That is all for this lame ass memory.

“Do you remember?  On the night I couldn’t find the words to say I’m sorry?”

Either way, I am at work today, and I promised you a nice long post (multiple times now) and I do plan on delivering.  As I mentioned, I am now done with classes for the term, and as such I ran into a slight puzzle while preparing for work today.  What do I do while I am there?  See normally, I attempt to complete some course work.  So, I generally have the work computer, in front of me, my laptop set up beside me (on my right), and the textbook for whatever assignment I am working on currently spread open to my left.  But I am done with class now… So, what do I do?  ErinLovesTheWeb suggested that I wrote blog entries.  Good, but that can only last me so long, or you end with a book as the post.  I could try to teach myself a new skill (or improve on one I already have), but I didn’t feel like dragging my laptop with me to work today, so that is out of the question.  I could try and fix things within the gatehouse, but honestly that isn’t going to happen (Oh believe me, I could spend hours fixing this or that in here, but I refuse to…).  So, what did I decide to do?  Well beside writing a blog post (obviously), I am going to relax and read.  Maybe actually do my full job for once.  Tonight after work, I’ll sit back, hop on a  game for a little bit, and then hopefully drift off to sleep in never never land (although I would prefer a place a little less gh3y!).

“Hello friends, don’t you want to meet a nice girl?”

“I know a place where the gamer scores are so extreme!  Dune, D&D”

So ErinLovesTheWeb is creating me an absolutely amazing scarf, I swear to Al Pacino that once that motherfucker is done, I am never taking it off!  I’ve tried it on a few times

And it is absolutely and positively the most comfortable/warm scarf I have ever worn.  It’s a fucking pimp ass combination of bright blue, royal purple, and gun-metal grey.  The thing is fucking pimp.  Once it is complete, I’ll make sure to post a few pictures of it (also a picture or two of the scarf she made for Yoda, which is also pretty fucking sweet). Speaking of ErinLovesTheWeb, all of you should send her some love, she’s feeling rather sick and down, and could use some of your smiling faces.

“Farscape, sailor moon, Hogwarts boys all make them swoon! Aragorn, Legolas, These are the boys that we love the best!“

I was just sitting here watching a small child (maybe 5 years old at most) trudging through the snow, all bundled up trying to get home from school.  I actually feel kinda feel bad for the kid even though he seemed completely cool with the fact that is fucking cold outside.

You fuckers know what I miss?  Old school, fucking LAN parties. Like a group of fucking nerds hopped up on pizza and Surge (you youngins don’t even remember that shit). Screaming “BOOM! HEADSHOT! YOU SUCK AT THIS GAME!,” before words like n00b and pwn’d became popular.  With 4 TVs all powered in the SAME room, and somebody always bitching at their buddy for being “a screen peaking piece of shit!”  And yet, at the end of the day, we all still loved each other.  That was when gaming was fun to me.  Or even better, when it was 4 dudes on 1 TV (GoldenEye and Perfect Dark for the N64, how I miss you!).  Back in those days, you actually had to know the people you played games with, whereas now, I can play with someone in China rather easily (not that I don’t find that idea incredible), but it’s taken the true social aspects out of gaming.  Either way, I fucking miss old school LAN parties.  Who wants to help me set one up?

I think at this point, I’ve kept my promise about a nice long post for ‘yer readin’ pleasures. And I am still not done.   Isn’t it amazing that I can write, yet I often go weeks without even checking in?  Yeah, I’m that kind of lame.  Sue me…

On a side note, it looks like I am going to be required to work New Years Eve, on the night shift.  Which means no partying for me…  And that is quite unfortunate.  Instead of being able to get drunk I have to deal with drunks all night…  And from 11:30pm to about 2:30am, this place is going to be completely dead…  No one will be coming in at that time, because they will either all be in apartments waiting for the ball to drop or their going to be in a bar doing the same.. FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU

“Darth Maul standing tall, he so bad, so say we all! Epic Loot, for the win!”

Here is something I’ve been meaning to quote for a while now, this comes from the very famous (at least on this blog) Dan, “For the sake of science, I now need to have sex with Team Unicorn…  For the sake of science!”  If you don’t know who Team Unicorn are, go back a few posts and find the most recent one with a video…  That is them.

I think that is going to do it for now, but I’m exactly 2.5 hours into an 8 hours shift, so chances are I will make amendments to this as the night progresses.  Before I finish this paragraph though, I want to give you another quote: “I want to celebrate tonight, because today I gave my final speech on the Zombie Apocalypse and I got an A on it, so that is fucking awesome!”  Person who shall remain nameless for this post, you receive the win sticker of the day.



You win... or something


It is now officially half way through my shift, and I’ve officially given out the fail sticker of the day.  Today’s fail tag goes to, the crack-head bitch who just pulled away from the window.  She pulled up to the window and started crying when I asked where she was going (it wasn’t real crying, stop calling me an asshole already).  Then, she started laughing and shaking when she couldn’t get her ID out of her wallet.  She finally chucks at me and screams “Take the damn thing! I just need in, they’re going to make me feel better!” and then starts laughing.  So, to you, slightly crazy lady (I’m talking crazy in the sense that she would have sex with you, RIP you head off, chew on your trachea, and then tap dance to the kitchen for a bowl of Grape Nuts), I give you the fail sticker of the day.

You fail... Plain and simple

You fail... Plain and simple

To all of you who didn’t get selected as a winner for today, there is always tomorrow.  But in all honesty, you probably don’t want to win the fail sticker.  Just sayin’.

So, I might as well continue typing for a bit, I’ve still got 4 hours left in my shift.  It hasn’t been a particularly busy day, but it has been a steady stream of traffic.  In the 4 hours I’ve been here, I’ve managed to type this (which is easy compared to the next task), and read a whole 12 pages of my book.  In case you missed it, it is easier to type this (on the computer, where I do all my work) than it is to put my book down, take down the information, pick the book back up, find the spot where I left off (often times in the middle of a paragraph), and then continue reading.  And in most cases, by the time I actually find where I was again, some one else is at my fucking window.  And in all honestly, I am too tired and out of it to be able to read currently anyways.  In fact, there is nothing I would rather do right now than to just lock the door, break the gate, make it dark in this box o’ hatred, curl up under the desk (its nice and warm there) and pass the fuck out until the coworker of the night arrives.

But, since I cannot do that, you are all gifted with an amazing post by yours truly, FischFail.  Yay, fun time!  At this point, I have no clue when my And You Climb Out of Bed… game will begin, which is rather unfortunate.

By the way, here is an example of something I deal with almost every time I work.

Me: “What apartment are you going to?”

Visitor: rattles off apartment number and resident name.

Me: “Can I see a photo ID briefly?”

Visitor: “You need to see my ID?”

Me: “Yes sis/ma’am, it’s a standard practice”

Visitor: “You aren’t just saying that to see where I live, and steal my identity, and rob me are you?”

Me: “I just need your name… That’s all I look at, in fact I don’t even look at the picture most of the time.”

Of course, that is written much nicer than I actually say it, and I generally have to fight (very hard) to not yell “No, I need the fucking Pope’s ID” (in response to the inevitable “You need to see my ID?” question).  And around the time I’m saying I just need your name, I’m ready to murder these people.  Of course, these are generally the same people who are much more willing to give me credit cards and passports over a state-issued ID.  In fact, I’ve had people try to give me their Social Security Card as a form of ID.  I mean, in reality, what is so hard to understand about “I need to see a photo ID.”  I am now done with my obligatory rant of the post.  You may now resume your normal readings.

“Suicide is all I have, I have nothing left to give…”


I think that is all for now.  Take it easy readers…  There is still 3 hours left in my shift, and you may hear from me once again.

* Starting soon (probably the first of year), each Fisch Fail, INC. post will include a “table of contents” for your reading/viewing pleasure.


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