While I am writing this I am currently listening to the song by which this post was named. Straight Line Stitch’s “Eucharist” and I need this music currently. Also while my music is on random, I will note which are currently playing in parentheses.
All-in-all, on a personal note, my life is beginning to fall apart. This is a rare post, but due to the issues that both authors of F.F. are suffering I believe we owe it to the reader(s) to allow them a little deeper into our lives. (Epica: Linger) Mr. Fail himself has given some insight into the life of the Fisch, but selfishly I’ve kept most of my postings as lighthearted musings or things in which I’ve no personal connection. Granted I will not be name-dropping, nor getting far too deep, but this will give some sort of feel for who actually writes here.
I am not recently single, with some prospects of possibly renewing the relationship, (Panic! at the Disco: Trade Mistakes) pending a massive life overhaul for me. One would possibly comment with “why would you be the one to change?” and usually this is a valid point, but I must change because I am the one that needs it the most. Another fact is that I believe I am at fault for the issues that have arisen and the failing of the relationship. Honestly this would be much less difficult if it wasn’t for the fact that there are several levels in which I must “fix” myself, including but not limited to: mental/anger issues, maturity problems, general motivation, (Abney Park: White Wedding) and just general lack of (not so) common sense. To change one’s cognitive perception on one’s own would be a nearly impossible task, and this is why I believe finding professional mental assistance would benefit me. (Sean Kennedy: Dreadful Bugs and Spiders [this will be a long’un]) Now if this was the only romantic issue I was facing, it would be manageable at worst, but the other qualms I’ve been dealing with in this area will remain unpublished here, my apologies.
Remember this: I have never failed a college course. With that in mind, I may be failing a college course *buh-dum… tish!*… notably Intro to American Government. (Ensiferum: Heathen Throne) There are many issues with this that I am fighting with, not just being my possible first failure in college. An inherent feeling of “I cannot do well” disallows me from truly gaining a sense of accomplishment when passing any class, so where usually a person all have a mental “+1” on the self-esteem, I get a “+/-0”, which means a “-9001” if I fail. I suppose this would not phase many people, but due to the precedent I’ve set in my life in an attempt to not have many low nor high points this blow can become devastating. (Sirenia: Voices Within) I will know tomorrow if I have failed this course, unfortunately hinging upon a midterm from hell, so I will most likely give an addendum tomorrow to this post.
While most would be happy enough to have employment, I am just happy to stand the random pains I’ve been feeling during work. I won’t get too deep on this one, mostly due to the employment issues with our other wonderful author. In a nutshell, something is “off” with my right hip, hinting terrifyingly toward a displacement. The thing you must know is that I’ve recently become uninsured, and any grievous affliction will pay a heavy toll in many ways. (Falconer: Vargaskall)
Lastly I suppose just the culmination of all these unfortunates is having a profound effect upon me, and I have not felt this terrible in a long while. (Protest the Hero: Palms Read) My how my music can sometimes become strange. ([skipskipskipskip]Serj Tankian: Yes, It’s Genocide)
I still need to get that goddamn Doumbek…
Even more lastly, the last song that randomly has occurred is Killswitch Engage’s “Starting Over”, which is a fitting song, considering it matches well with my lovelife currently. Upon that note, I can promise the next posts will be positive, hopefully by both me and Fisch.