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So I had a terribly evil and horrible idea a while ago while looking back at one of my favorite nerdy news blogs, Topless Robot. A former writer of said blog named Rob Bricken had a weekly post called Fanfiction Friday that I found to be disturbing, disgusting and so god damn funny it hurt. Unfortunately like all the good things in my life it ended when he moved on to (what I hope are) bigger and better things writing for i09. He did continue to do FFF on io9 for a while it was shut down after it was decided that being on the much lager site FFF looked like the big bad guy picking on the small, defenseless writers. This makes me a sad panda. SO after having to much to drink and reading some of my favorite FFF posts I decided to try my hand at this bit of satire.

So now that where this idea came from is out of the way I should probably explain what the unholy hell this is about. Basically I will be presenting a piece of fanfiction with my reactions as I read through it. Think of it like Mystery Science Theater 3k but with graphically disturbing fanfiction instead of terrible films.  Hopefully in my drunken state I can at least bring a bit of a chuckle out of any poor souls who happen upon this post and are unfortunate enough to read what I have. My other goal is to cause any of the writers of Fisch Fail to start vomiting uncontrollably, but that’s only because I love them so much.

In any case I should probably get this started.

Today’s story is called “WHAT’S 25 FEET TALL AND COMES IN PINTS?”.

Yep a Jurassic Park fanfiction by Michael Collins (I hope the writer didn’t use his real name). May god have mercy on my soul.

Warning, beyond this point is very NSFW !


Posted: April 2, 2013 by eldwardo in Entertainment, Fisch Fail, Gaming, Nerd, Random
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Hey Eldwardo here with just a simple post.



Go play  Bioshock: INFINITE

If you enjoy an intelligent engaging story and amazing game play you will not be disappointed.

Seriously if you play video games you need to play this. DO IT

Yes that means every member of FFI

You lovely bastards.




Made of win

Posted: April 21, 2012 by eldwardo in Eldwardo, Entertainment, Random

Posting from UFC 145. This is the shit!



Posted: March 20, 2012 by eldwardo in Eldwardo, Employment, Entertainment, Gaming, Life, Random
Tags: ,

Staying up this late was a lot more fun when I was @ denny’s playing d&d with a bunch of nerdy friends.


Who that?

Posted: March 19, 2012 by eldwardo in Fisch Fail, INC., internet, Life, Money, Personal

Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? Thanks!

hey guys it’s been a while but I figured I’d come back and give you a little update on what I’ve been up to. I recently went through a big change at work and now I’m on third shift. so my sleep schedule’s been completely fucked. It has kinda made me not wanna do a damn thing, but I’m slowly getting the hang of it. I had two posts I was working on last week but stopped so I may go back and do those in the coming days. (one was a rant the other was a post I promised fisch months ago)

To tell the truth as soon as I got mass effect 3 I did nothing but play it, but I’ll mention more on that later.



I don’t think I’ve heard a word about this game except maybe rumors like 4 months ago and now I find out this game comes out in less than a week?! I AM SUPPOSED TO KNOW THESE THINGS! I want this to be good for the love of all things 90’s PLEASE be good!

Also no new posts in like 3 days? wtf FFI? Did ZDay happen AND I MISSED THAT TO!?

Ugh to tired to make a full post for today but I will soon. Sorry to be missing for so long work is killing my free time… and maybe I’ve been spending some time playing Batman Arkham City… just a bit… >.>

Any way I found a rage comic today that I think sums up quite a bit of the music choice for most of the authors of FFi.