First and foremost, I would like to thank all of our loyal followers who stayed with us in our time of absence. If I could thank you all personally, I would. And as for the new followers who managed to find our little piece of the Internet, and decided to give us a follow, thank you as well. It really does mean a lot to us.
Now for the purpose of this post…
A long time ago, I spoke briefly about the depression that has plagued my life since before I can remember, and I made the promise to you all that I would never allow those negative thoughts and feelings of my personal life to creep into a blog whose slogan is “Making fun of life…”; there is already enough sadness in the world. This turned out to be easier that I initially thought. The reason being, when I am times of darkness, not only do I have severe writer’s block, but a complete mental block all together. I can’t speak for how everyone feels when dealing with depression, but for me, I lose all sense of self. I lose all sense force of will and all sense of resolve. I feel hollow inside and fragile. And while I do feel as though any one person is attempted to be malicious and cause me to shatter, I do feel that even the slightest touch would cause me to crumble and collapse in on myself.
And yet, despite making this blog as a way to deal with my depression, I never wanted to write while depressed if that makes sense.
And it wasn’t until fairly recently that I was able to put this into words. In fact, very few people have heard that description before today. Just like very few people know me well enough to know that in the past I have considered suicide. And, even attempted it on more than one occasion. Which brings me to my next point.
The other day, I had a dream where I did commit suicide. I won’t go into details regarding it, as I already said there is enough sadness in the world as is. But when I woke up, I realized the dream had really bothered me. Not because I considered it a nightmare (which is another affliction I suffer from), but because I then realized that despite all my best attempts I really do have a plan of action if I ever decide to take my own life again. After a day of feeling down and out of it, I finally broke down in the arms of ErinLovesTheWeb and told her everything. Really opened myself up, probably for the first time in years, maybe ever.
But, it made me realize something. I have a beautiful, strong, generous, and caring support group. And I’ve had it all along. I genuinely felt blessed (which, for those of you who know, is not a term I ever use). This is not to say the depression is “gone,” per se. Just a little more manageable.
For those followers of ours that suffer from depression, anxiety, or any of affliction, I want you to know, that even when times seems the darkest, there is always help and it usually closer than you think.
I can say with certainty that most, if not all, of the authors at Fisch Fail, INC (both past and present) have dealt with some form of depression and darkness as well. And we have all tried very hard to keep that from you, but I want you all to know, that we understand and if you need help, please get it.
As a final note, I would like to say, with a heavy heart, I cannot pretend to guarantee any sort of posting schedule any more. Besides, we all know I wouldn’t be able to stick to it.
I want to thank you all for reading this, and remember, if you need help, it is available.
Thank you and goodnight.