Archive for the ‘Fisch Fail’ Category


Some of you may or may not have noticed I have been not as active a member of Fisch Fail-Inc (not that I was entirely active to begin with…) However, I with a grieving heart I announce I am no longer with Fisch Fail Inc. Nothing against the boys (and girl) at FFI. I simply wanted to go in a different direction and felt It was time for me to move on. We had some god times, poop stories, getting shot, and various drunken meed nights. Sadly, every good thing must come to an end. It’s not you guys at all, it’s me… I’ve found someone else, someone who wants to go in the direction I wish. I want to thank you all for a great and fun time. Though short and sporadic I will always cherish what we had together. With that said I wish the best for my friends and former authors at FFI.

_Adios, Drez

Drezirale

^ Sad I won’t be using that anymore. =(

 


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So I had a terribly evil and horrible idea a while ago while looking back at one of my favorite nerdy news blogs, Topless Robot. A former writer of said blog named Rob Bricken had a weekly post called Fanfiction Friday that I found to be disturbing, disgusting and so god damn funny it hurt. Unfortunately like all the good things in my life it ended when he moved on to (what I hope are) bigger and better things writing for i09. He did continue to do FFF on io9 for a while it was shut down after it was decided that being on the much lager site FFF looked like the big bad guy picking on the small, defenseless writers. This makes me a sad panda. SO after having to much to drink and reading some of my favorite FFF posts I decided to try my hand at this bit of satire.

So now that where this idea came from is out of the way I should probably explain what the unholy hell this is about. Basically I will be presenting a piece of fanfiction with my reactions as I read through it. Think of it like Mystery Science Theater 3k but with graphically disturbing fanfiction instead of terrible films.  Hopefully in my drunken state I can at least bring a bit of a chuckle out of any poor souls who happen upon this post and are unfortunate enough to read what I have. My other goal is to cause any of the writers of Fisch Fail to start vomiting uncontrollably, but that’s only because I love them so much.

In any case I should probably get this started.

Today’s story is called “WHAT’S 25 FEET TALL AND COMES IN PINTS?”.

Yep a Jurassic Park fanfiction by Michael Collins (I hope the writer didn’t use his real name). May god have mercy on my soul.

Warning, beyond this point is very NSFW !


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Six months later there were no signs of cancer in her lungs but now they found something in her intestines. Chemotherapy may have worked somewhat but the Doc is going to give my mom a more toxic dose to kick the cancer. The bad thing is that it will make my mom much sicker. A risk we must take. All I can do is hope for the best at this point.

That was the worst part of the last six months.

Now we are getting a bit more current in life and the area I reside in is being bought out by Marathon and of course I am just a renter and I have to find a new place to call home. It has been pretty nerve-wracking as of late but someone from above must have helped me out but in a lil over 45 days from now I will be a new home owner. That’s right Moonpie will own his own crib. Not too bad of a price and my monthly mortgage isn’t all that bad either, I think I can handle it.  It is in a nice area too! This was a big hurdle to jump over but I did it even with all the stress and worry.

Now in the last 6 months I have also become a system administrator for the church I attend. Not much work needed but I must be on standby. This job kind of just fell in my lap but I do this work for free. I don’t mind!

To go with that I still work full-time at my current job selling Semi truck parts but I have also taken a step into another direction at the same time. While managing a few jobs I ended up picking up another and it looks very promising. A business partner and I invested in Electronic Cigarettes and I am talking the real kind, not the crappy 800 puff E-cigs you can but at any Gas station. This is the real deal. Our company name is Hypnotic Vapes LLC. We offer a healthier alternative to smoking which can potentially save people who switch to Vaping thousands of dollars a year. We are already posted up in a store full time where anyone in the greater metro Detroit area can buy and start living healthier. We have many different types of E-cigs and well over 50 tasty Hypnotic E-juices containing nicotine. We have high doses and lower doses of nicotine in our E-juices. I will provide a link for the curious and a few pictures as well.

Here is the Hypnotic E-cig Starter Kit!

All you need to get started Vaping!

All you need to get started Vaping!

Here is a pic of our E-juice. We have over 50 flavors!

The Juices come in a variety of Flavors

The Juices come in a variety of Flavors

Here is a link to our FaceBook page so just click here to be taken there:

So for now I apologize for my absence, I hope to stick with this but I can’t guarantee it.

 

 


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So as I sit here with my fellow authors, Luzob and Mr.Fail, I truly feel a wave of shame wash over me. I’ve complained a lot lately about feeling stagnant, stuck in a state of limbo as i am between jobs and semesters of school, and yet for some reason I have been absent from our humble little blog. I plan to change that.

Every Friday will be Firearm Friday, where i will either post a video of myself testing a boomstick or write a post about a certain weapon that I would love to add to my collection.

Every Monday will be about something that happened at school, because as all you current and former students know, some seriously messed up shit can happen on a “normal” Monday.

Every Wednesday will be Odin’s day. I’ll be posting wisdom in one form or another that I hope will enrich your lives as much as it does mine.

Every Thursday will be Thor’s day. This will be a post about armed combat, sometimes including a video of said combat taking place right here at Fisch Fail Inc.

Our prior absence will now be followed by posts the likes of which NONE of us have ever seen.

May the gods watch over you

Måtte Æser ser deg

Grim

Grimnir

LuzObMoblize!

Posted: April 9, 2013 by luzob in Fisch Fail, INC., internet, Life, Live Events, LuzOb, Nerd, Technology

As you are most likely aware we are attempting to always bring more interesting and pertinent information in the most efficient manner available. Finally joining the undead ranks of smartphone users and officially posting from said device is my way of saying that despite our tardiness we’re going nowhere and will continue to bring the goods! That’s it for now

ALL THE MONEY

Posted: April 2, 2013 by eldwardo in Entertainment, Fisch Fail, Gaming, Nerd, Random
Tags: , , , ,

Hey Eldwardo here with just a simple post.

Ready?

Ok

Go play  Bioshock: INFINITE

If you enjoy an intelligent engaging story and amazing game play you will not be disappointed.

Seriously if you play video games you need to play this. DO IT

Yes that means every member of FFI

You lovely bastards.

 

m_bioshockinfinite_cityskytrailer

Eldwardo


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Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin (Photo credit: xomiele)

This day is indeed a grand occasion. Today is the day we all discovered or long lost relatives. This is great because well, they are famous. While we are somewhat famous, especially myself, our relatives are wildly known throughout the world.

So lets start off shall we:

First we have Mr. Fail’s long lost son, Jonah Hill. As you can see here, the family resemblance is uncanny. (Click the pictures to inbiggen)

FISCH FUCKING FAIL!

FISCH FUCKING FAIL!

JONAH FUCKING HILL!

JONAH FUCKING HILL!

Fucking crazy right? Here is some more:

Here is LuzOb and his brother separated at birth TheFrogman

LuzOb

LuzOb

TheFrogman

TheFrogman

Speaking of frog men guess what Fisch Fail Frog, we found yo daddy!

F3

F3

Kremit

Kremit

We cannot forget about Eldwardo and his uncle Zorro.

Eldwardo

Eldwardo

Zorro

Zorro

Taught him everything he knows….

Then we have Grimnir…

Grim

Grim

He is related to THOR GOD OF THUNDER!

....and rock and roll...

….and rock and roll…

No.. I lied it’s actually this guy.

Sam Huntington

Sam Huntington

Here is Moonpie and his boy.

MoonPie

MoonPie

Also Moonpie

Also Moonpie

I wonder if Moonpie Sr. is chocolate flavor too…

Here’s a good one of Ech and his lot:

Ech13

Ech13

Ech Clones

Ech Clones

I told him not to take that vacation in Kamino

In any case here is ErinLovesTheWeb and her pops Drew Carey.

Fucking classy

ELTW

Drew Carey

Drew Carey

Incidentally, Drew Carey is actually only his stage name. His real name is DrewCareyLovesTheImprov.

Then finally there is me…

Drezirale still alive!

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sadly… There are no long lost relatives for… Wait what? I have a sister? Really?

tumblr_ltrauwISa31r5scgro1_500

 

Drezirale


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Hermit!

That is what I have been lately, So sorry fans

A lot has gone down lately in life.

Sorry to Fisch Fail INC for being gone so long, who knows when I will be back again.

Debating on going back to school….. I think I need to but I don’t want to… still deciding.

Also dealing with issues inside my head I guess it’s what we call stress, and there is a lot of it in there!

Been spending a lot of time with a special friend who has been through so much in the last few months and she is

a very sweet girl, confused but sweet nonetheless. My heart has grown big for her but I have no place in hers.

Rather friendship then nothing at all I guess but how long can I torture myself. I love her family, she even got me going

going back to church and I love it. I try to separate myself from her sometimes but then I feel like I am abandoning her

and that is not what she needs now. She needs me and her family and her church family. We are good to her.

On another note, my mom is getting older and I grow worrisome of her health sometimes, it’s just another added stress.

Five years ago I seen myself in a different place then I am in now, I want to know what happened? Did I fall off? Did

I give up? I am still here though even though times are hard and I’ve been told its gets harder before it gets any

better.

I guess that’s just life! Thanks for listening fans I will try to visit more often with more uplifting stories!!! tata!!


Alright, so I know it’s a common phrase, especially today with this fucking “YOLO” busllshit (seriously, stop abbreviating, you sound fucking ridiculous) but for the love of the gods, you only live ONCE.

Honestly, have you really ever thought about that? Not just “yeah, I guess that’s true” but like “HOLY FUCK, I GOTTA LIVE IT UP!!!!!!”

I’ve just had this epiphany about 6 months ago, and life could not be simpler. I mean really, you need to just DO IT, because you may never have another chance. And if you get hurt, oh well that’s life. If it kills you, so what we all die anyway. Just learn to say FUCK IT every once in a while.

What I’m trying to say, everyone, is this:

Measure your life not in the years you’ve lived, but in the fullness that you lived them.

May the gods watch over you

Måtte Æser ser deg

Grimnir Odinsson


Hey! Cheer up it ain’t that bad is what everyone says, PFFT! Whatever! I can’t rant about this is all day if I want don’t make me LOL!

Just kidding!

I thought I would share this picture I stumble across a about a week ago and it seems like it make me feel a bit better… Nothing wrong with that right! Inspiration is good, am I wrong?

SO Anyway, This is what I was referring to earlier that I stumbled upon a week ago. I felt the words as I read then, they  are powerful and it just gets to me sometimes because of the way I act occasionally. You all know you can not say you don’t feel the same way too sometimes, or occasionally. All it ever seems to me is that we get sad or upset because of the things we do not have instead of opening your eyes and looking at what you have right in front of you!

Nonetheless enjoy!

Uplifting I think

I borrowed this picture from a website, here is the link to it http://sp1.fotolog.com/photo/17/26/125/takalook/13406157136474_f.jpgmoonpie


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Hey Readers its MoonPie!

I have been gone for a long time…

peanut butter moon pie

Basically all I have done is working out and eating right.

I work out about 5 nights a week and two of those days are heavy workouts.
Hell I am down 40 lbs woot! for me!

Oh I forgot to mention I’ve been working my ass off at the job and with all of lives little stresses, it does not make things easier. I could blog about problems but who wants to hear my sappy stories, hell we all got em!

Lately I just have not known what to blog about.

So with that being said I would like the readers who can comment and my fellow authors to help fuel my mind with ideas on what to write here…. I am in a slump right now with no imagination!

Anyways I am sorry for being gone for so long, I dont want that damn Frog attacking me or its frog legs for dinner tonight…… seriously


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Where were you?

When I needed you the most?
Where were you?

When I needed someone to talk to?
Where were you?

 When I needed a shoulder to cry on?
Where were you?

 Nowhere?

Am I only here?

When you need me to be
Am I only here?

When you need money
 Am I only here?

Because you have no one else
Am I only here?

 Till I am replaced by someone else

Is that how it is

when I give you the world?
Is that how it is

when I put you before others?
Is that how it is

Even though you know I care?
Is that how it is

 I guess so.

I should believe

 in love
I should believe

there is hope
I should believe

 there is a chance
I should believe

you care

But you don’t and may never will!


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So the other day, late at night about one in the morning I stopped in at the local Walgreens to pick up some medicine for my sinuses. Nothing special or out of the ordinary, just making one last stop before heading home. I have my Pal with me and we walk in casual talking shit and what have you. I had a mission when I walked in; Grab sinus meds and some Orange Juice so I can get home and rest. Walgreens was dead and there was a few ladies working that night.

Anyways I was in the meds aisle and was searching for the best meds for the cold I had. AH I found them and grabbed two boxes and said to Cass “48 caplets should be enough for me to get through this” and as I said that a young girl who worked there stared me down as she walked away. I didn’t think nothing of it, it certainly wasnt my looks that kept her staring. I approached the end of the aisle way and there she was like long-necking me or something trying to hear my conversation I was having with Cass. I walked past her as she stared me down the whole time. I did not know what to think!

I grabbed my orange juice and asked Cass “what the hell was she looking at” as I walked up to the front to check out. I looked behind me and there she was still staring my down but this time she was behind the counter hiding and staring, I was like WTF.

I grabbed my stuff and proceeded out the front door and walked to my car, looked back and she was staring at me again from inside. I sat in my car for about 5 minutes and she kept a close eye on me until I drove off.

What the hell was all that about? I still have no idea why she stared me down. It was like I stole something, which I didn’t but what I should have done was just ask her what the deal was. Maybe she recognized me from somewhere! (shrugs shoulders)

Whatever!  Later dudes


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I had this Crazy Dream the other night!

I never remember my dreams but I know I do dream so on occasion I will have a dream so vivid that I remember it. Since I did this time I think I will share it with you all…..

So the other night after a long days work and running errands and what have you, I passed out in my recliner, fear filled and in a state of shock when I awoken!

Some of you may remember the RPG Final Fantasy 7 (totally awesome game) and Ultima Weapon!

This guy was an optional boss in the game to receive the Ultimate weapon for Cloud.  I am sure you all remember Cloud right?

Well I started dreaming that the world was in Chaos due to a massive flying machine, I was like WTH! This cannot be real! It was all over the news and I was thinking did SkyNet take over or something but it was even crazier. That machine flying in the air, destroying everything in its path was Ultima Weapon! I freaked out but I knew that as long as you were not in its line of sight you had nothing to worry about.

I know I know it’s just a dream though and it gets weirder!

This massive weapon was flying around the neighborhood and I was like Barret (seen below)

from Final Fantasy and had this huge ass gun that is supposed to take down this weapon! Haha So I stood outside with this crazy real life weapon that would only be found in the game because the gun was bigger than I was, yet I had the strength to wield it for a tough battle ahead.

That my friends would prove to be futile!

Ultima Weapon spotted me outside on the back porch and swooped down from the sky for a fierce battle. I started unloading these ear pounding bullets into Ultima Weapon but did nothing and just as I started to realize I am fucked and out of Potions.

Ultima Weapon snatched the weapon from my hands and broke it in half as I fled for the door to run in the house. That would prove to be futile as well for my Mother and Sister were in there.

Let me tell ya, at this point my heart is beating a hundred miles an hour. I am so freaking scared and have not realized it was not real and wake up.

So I ran past my mother into the room where my sister was and I just sat there. I heard Ultima weapon using some type of mysterious force destroying everything in its path and then I heard my mother screaming. Then silence as I sat scared as shit with my eyes closed, my sister was doing the same thing on the other side of the room. My dumb ass didn’t hide but sat on the bed in front of the door while it was open.

Shaking and scared I peered open my eyes and then Ultima flashed past the room and I was like OMG! Next thing you know it he was in the room and came right at me and in a split second it was over! I was dead and sat there in my dream in total darkness, silent, no movement, heart pounding and I woke up! I had chills down my spine as I sat there a few moments and came to realize it was all just a dream!

That was a messed up dream people. I couldn’t go back to sleep for a while after that.

Although it was a crazy dream it makes me want to whip out the PS2 and start another game of FFVII

Until next time people, keep reading our blog! We have a lot more in store for you!


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Have you ever wondered if you scare people unintentionally? Would it be because of the way you look such as a Big Chest, wide pose, and a grim look on your face like the Undertaker? Where people around you feel safe because you look scary, or would it be that you are kind of diggin someone special and have got too clingy. Like whipping out your junk and swinging it around in front of people. Oh never mind that last comment! That would definitely scare people away! Lol!

Where is that line drawn between scaring someone and trying to get closer? It seems lately that the people in your life who you think are close are moving farther away. Are people really that scared? Deep down I know I am but fight to stay close to those I care for.

Now I don’t think I am scaring people away from me but scaring myself away from people. WTF am I afraid of?

Sometimes I just want  left alone and not bothered by anyone or thing. Yet, when the tables are turned there is no one there for me to talk to. Maybe I set myself up for failure without realizing it?

Who knows! Maybe I need a Zanax!

Guess I will just take it day by day like I have been.

Later dudes!

MoonPie