Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category


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This is going to  be a new pseudo-series. What I mean by that is: instead of making random posts regarding the content (which will be explained momentarily), there will be a portion of the blog dedicated to the topic. Very similar to the “Fischisms” page, with one exception.

I encourage you to submit your own stories. Stories! Stories, about what? I am happy you didn’t actually ask that, and that I was able to assume that you would be.

The new section will feature the dumb-fucking shit I’ve heard as a result of trying to change my lifestyle. Now, I don’t expect you to have the same problems, but chances are: someone constantly says something fucking stupid about one or more of your life choices. I encourage you to share this information, giving as much (or little) back story as you like (after all, ambiguity runs the fucking Internet).

And with that, I present you with a (growing) list of shit that has been said to me.  I’m going to kick this section of the blog off with a post regarding it.

As a brief aside, these entries will be written in the following format (and would be nice if they could be submitted in a similar fashion).

[Subject matter (i.e. diet, poi, drinking, etc)]

“Quote”

The reason for this formatting is fairly simple, if you can’t figure out the benefits, I might have to bad news for you…

But, I digress…

Vegetarianism

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

One night, LuzOb and I were drinking, and this pleasant little blurb erupted from his mouth… I really wish it wasn’t true, but sadly it is…

LuzOb: “If an animal farts on your food, is it still considered vegetarian?”

me: “……what?”

LuzOb: “What if they shit on it, instead?”

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

A month or so after I officially stopped eating meat, I walked into my parent’s house, drinking a milk shake and enjoying the warm weather. Mind you, this comes from the same guy who thinks “Timecop” is the greatest movie of all time… Don’t believe me? Read about it here: My dad is awesome

Dad: “Is that a milk shake you’re drinking?”

me: “Yeah, why?”

Dad: “I thought you were a vegan, don’t they die if they have milk or some shit?”

me: “No, I am not a vegan, I am a vegetarian. I will still eat dairy.”

Dad: “So, you’re a vegetarian, and not a vegan?”

me: “Correct”

Dad: “Good, I thought you were a total faggot…”

no meat

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

When first relating the story of my new diet to my grandmother…

Grandmother: “Are you even able to eat anymore? Won’t you die?”

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

When first relating the story of my new diet to the family of ErinLovesTheWeb

Grandmother: “We are going to order pizza… Want us to order you a salad or something?”

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

When eating a dish of corn and peas in a basil sauce one night.

LuzOb: “We are you going to start eating real food again?”

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

I’ve always been allergic to tuna, I cannot tell you why, but I cannot consume it… If I do, i become violently ill. A lot of people know this little fact about me. About two months after my official end to meat consumption, LuzOb approaches me with this:

LuzOb: “You can still eat fish right? I mean it is good for you…”

me: “With how long it has been since eating meat, that would probably be a terrible idea…”

LuzOb: “But you probably should, you know for your heart or whatever.”

me: “Sure.”

LuzOb: “So, why can’t you eat Tuna, again?”

me: “I don’t really know”

LuzOb: “You should try again, maybe you won’t die.”

me: “Do you even consider the things you say?”

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

One night, ErinLovesTheWeb and my I went to get a bite to eat, and I ordered some vegetarian dish.

Waitress: “Would you like any beef, chicken, or steak cooked into that?”

me: “No thank you, I am a vegetarian.”

Waitress: “…Would you like it on the side, then?”

mistake

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

One day I arrived at my parent’s house to meet with them and just hang out for a bit… Being an average concerned parent, my dad asked me a simple enough question.

Dad: “You hungry?”

me: “Yeah, a little bit.”

Dad: “There is some meatloaf in the fridge.”

me: “Heh, dad, I. I. I, I don’t eat meat anymore, remember?”

Dad: “Well, shit. I guess there is some… Watermelon, or some other not meat shit, in there…

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

Misc quotes to come from various sources whose back-stories do not matter or have occurred too frequently to care about it.

LuzOb: “One of these days I’m going to cook you a vegetarian dish, and when you aren’t looking, I’m going to drop a pound of bacon in it”

Anonymous: “Can you even order pizza anymore?”

Grimnir: “How much do you miss bacon?”

LuzOb’s brother: “There is some pepperoni pizza in there if. you… want……. Nevermind.”

Poi

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

I have been spinning poi on and off for a few years now, as a result, I have felt my fair share of injuries, which gives way to this conversation, and proves once and for all, size does matter.

Guy: “Man, I could never do that shit, I would be too afraid of hitting myself in the dick… Or the face.”

me: “Yeah, both happen.”

Guy: “Fuck that, I couldn’t do it.”

me: “I wasn’t asking you to?”

Guy: “Nope, not me. Now give me glow sticks on string and I will play with that shit.”

me: “I’ve done both, these are actually much more forgiving that glow sticks, in terms of impact…”

Guy: “Fuck that, those things are massive, they must kill.”

poi

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

I was spinning in my front yard one day, and two kid walking down the street decided to ask me some questions.

Person: “What are you doing?”

me: “It is called poi, it”

Person: interrupting me, “Is it like karate?”

me: “Karate? No, if anything it is more like Tai Chi, wh…”

Person: again interrupting me, “So, you’re saying it is like anime. Man, you’re fucking stupid.”

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

I was spinning in my front yard one day with Grimnir when a car stopped in front of the house and asked me to come to vehicle, briefly

Person: “What are you doing?”

me: “It is called poi. It is a lot of fun and can be quite relaxing.”

Person: “I see you out here all the time, and I was just curious. Is it like being a magician?”

me: “Not exactly. It is more similar to yo-yo than sleight of hand, although you can incorporate bits of sleight of hand.”

Person: “Cool. So could I learn that in a week or so?”

me: “Probably, not…”

fischfail, June, 28, 2013…

One night I was playing with some LED-glow poi in the front yard, and a “house-guest,” stepped outside for a cigarette. As a brief note, I would like to point out I have been sober for quite some time now (years), but we will see the relevance there, momentarily.

Person: “Man, that is cool as fuck. One of these days I going to bring over some pot and some hallucinogens, and I will pay you to do that.”

me: “You know, not all events are made better with drugs…”

Person: “Whatever you say… So when do you want to do getting fucked up and spin?”

me: “…Go away.”

I think that is going to be it for now. The actual page should be up and available soon. Hope to hear some great stories from you guys.

 
fischfail_sig2


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This post is a milestone for me… I’m not going to tell you what it is, but it is important, or something. On that note, here is, not only, a perkdermp but also a video dedicated to the “Don’t Watch This: Music Edition” series.

This time around I have 3o, or so,  pictures that I have personally enjoyed. Again, I am making no claims that these images are my own (unless otherwise noted), and I do apologize if you feel I have stolen from you in some way. None of the images in this post are explicitly NSFW, however depending on your work environment, there may be one or two that could be bothersome. And now, all the warnings are out of the way.

I wish I could say that is the bathroom of Fisch Fail, INC... Honestly, it would explain some things for me.

I wish I could say that is the bathroom of Fisch Fail, INC… Honestly, it would explain some things for me.

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This is how I brush my teeth, too!

This is how I brush my teeth, too!

TwitterELAwesome

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Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? It is easy, all the work is already done. Also don’t forget to follow our antics on both Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!

Perhaps, I should start calling the Perkdermp seies “Why I Should Stay off the Internet.”

thor hammer

Thor’s hammer (Photo credit: mararie)

This time around I have 24 pictures that I have personally enjoyed. Again, I am making no claims that these images are my

own (unless otherwise noted), and I do apologize if you feel I have stolen from you in some way. None of the images in this post are explicitly NSFW, however depending on your work environment, there may be one or two that could be bothersome. And now, all the warnings are out of the way.

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I honestly prefer the “make the car smell funny” lever.

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I present micro-horse, in honor of Drezirale.

YCAA

The comment sums it up quite accurately. And considering how many times that video has been featured on this blog, you should all have beards by now.

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Amazingly enough, that is the exact look Luz gets when there are tacos in front of him. On that note, there is not a single member of Fisch Fail, INC that would not want this to become a common viewing in our lives.

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Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? It is easy, all the work is already done. Also don’t forget to follow our antics on both Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!

I was browsing Reddit that other day (surprising, I know), and I came across a link (I cannot remember it at this time), but it was an album of pictures the user took from inside a book. I present to you, some limericks.

Limerick 1

Limerick 2

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Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? It is easy, all the work is already done. Also don’t forget to follow our antics on both Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!
NSFW

NSFW (Photo credit: Travis S.)

After the popularity of my recent picture post, I decided to do a semi-regular picture post containing ridiculous images I have found while traversing the Internet. Again, I am making no claims that these images are my own (unless otherwise noted), and I do apologize if you feel I have stolen from you in some way. None of the images in this post are explicitly NSFW, however depending on your work environment, there may be one or two that could be bothersome. And now, all the warnings are out of the way.

On to the show!

This time around, I have a collection of 35 images sure to brighten your day, confuse you, or finally convince you to stop visiting us (not that we want that, but things happen).

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It is true, I’ve run the tests.

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I really feel this should have made it in http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZsKqbt3gQ0

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The day SpongeBob learned how to deepthroat.

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Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? It is easy, all the work is already done. Also don’t forget to follow our antics on both Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!

I fully agree with the ideas listed below. Let’s do this ‘Murica (the rest of the world can join in just substituting where appropriate)!

twinkies500

 

Mr. Inman, if you are seeing this, please realize that I did not in fact steal this. Please don’t assume that I did. In fact, here is another link to your wonderful website: TheOatmeal.

fischfail_sig


Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? It is easy, all the work is already done. Also don’t forget to follow our antics on both Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!
Fisch

Fisch (Photo credit: HamburgerJung) I personally think this should become our new logo.

So, Breeish called it. Almost 2 years ago at this point. She said, and I quote “^ I am surprised Fisch doesn’t have a post about this up.” I will be honest, I never actually took the time to look up what the fuck that meant, until now.

Wow, how the fuck did you know?

I don’t much discuss issues of poo, on this here blog (I leave that reserved for Drezirale who no longer posts because he is a cunt), but when I do, I something…. I don’t even know anymore, I apologize.

And now to explain my absence. I’ve been gone, deal with it, as for the other authors, I cannot say. (Although it, sadly,  may be about time to “trim some fat around here”).

On an important side note, remember that the “I’m Addicted To Your Mom” contest is nearing completion, and we are still accepting entries. Remember, with no entries, we cannot announce a winner.

Fuck it, who likes pictures (not related to the previous shit!)?

Eh, who the fuck am I kidding, you guys love pictures, and below are some random ones in no particular order. Have fun! Obviously, most of the following are not original content, sorry if I “stole” from you.

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