Posts Tagged ‘Fuck’


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So I had a terribly evil and horrible idea a while ago while looking back at one of my favorite nerdy news blogs, Topless Robot. A former writer of said blog named Rob Bricken had a weekly post called Fanfiction Friday that I found to be disturbing, disgusting and so god damn funny it hurt. Unfortunately like all the good things in my life it ended when he moved on to (what I hope are) bigger and better things writing for i09. He did continue to do FFF on io9 for a while it was shut down after it was decided that being on the much lager site FFF looked like the big bad guy picking on the small, defenseless writers. This makes me a sad panda. SO after having to much to drink and reading some of my favorite FFF posts I decided to try my hand at this bit of satire.

So now that where this idea came from is out of the way I should probably explain what the unholy hell this is about. Basically I will be presenting a piece of fanfiction with my reactions as I read through it. Think of it like Mystery Science Theater 3k but with graphically disturbing fanfiction instead of terrible films.  Hopefully in my drunken state I can at least bring a bit of a chuckle out of any poor souls who happen upon this post and are unfortunate enough to read what I have. My other goal is to cause any of the writers of Fisch Fail to start vomiting uncontrollably, but that’s only because I love them so much.

In any case I should probably get this started.

Today’s story is called “WHAT’S 25 FEET TALL AND COMES IN PINTS?”.

Yep a Jurassic Park fanfiction by Michael Collins (I hope the writer didn’t use his real name). May god have mercy on my soul.

Warning, beyond this point is very NSFW !

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Alright, so I know it’s a common phrase, especially today with this fucking “YOLO” busllshit (seriously, stop abbreviating, you sound fucking ridiculous) but for the love of the gods, you only live ONCE.

Honestly, have you really ever thought about that? Not just “yeah, I guess that’s true” but like “HOLY FUCK, I GOTTA LIVE IT UP!!!!!!”

I’ve just had this epiphany about 6 months ago, and life could not be simpler. I mean really, you need to just DO IT, because you may never have another chance. And if you get hurt, oh well that’s life. If it kills you, so what we all die anyway. Just learn to say FUCK IT every once in a while.

What I’m trying to say, everyone, is this:

Measure your life not in the years you’ve lived, but in the fullness that you lived them.

May the gods watch over you

Måtte Æser ser deg

Grimnir Odinsson


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Fuck copyright

Fuck copyright (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So I made a facebook page for myself as a public figure, or some shit. I also have a bank of massive postage coming your way, and a big surprise (hopefully) soon.

 

 

 

 

 


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Since neither Drezirale nor LuzOb could give this story to the Internet, I decided to step up to the plate and make it myself, although I

Turkey internet ban protest 2011

Image via Wikipedia

don’t remember (nor do I know) all the details (perhaps one of them will step in a add some insight), I will try  and report what I do know.

A few weeks ago (I don’t know the exact date off hand), I got home from school on a Saturday afternoon extremely tired. If I recall I hadn’t slept the night before (fuck you insomnia!), and went to school completely exhausted. Upon returning home, I decided I would check my email, and while doing so, starting falling asleep at my computer. After much discussion, LuzOb and Drezirale convinced me to go to bed (this being around 19:00 our time).

I trudge down the hallway and in a slate of exhausted delirium, I stumble into bed and proceed to get some of the best sleep I have ever received. A short while later, I wake up with an incredible urge and pressure building in my bladder. An urge I could no longer ignore. I climb out of bed, put on my robe, and stumble into the bathroom in the same drunken delirium that I previously described.

I distinctly remember walking to the bathroom, emptying my bladder, and felt a sense of relief flush over my body as I flushed the toilet.

That is the last thing that I clearly remember…

Then everything gets fuzzy.

After I flushed the toilet, I apparently decided to leave the bathroom, turn the wrong direction (back towards the living room), and walked into the unoccupied bedroom of Drezirale (he was in the living room at the time).

The next thing I know, Drezirale is beating at me silently demanding to know “what the fuck am I doing in his bedroom!?” This continues on for a while, with me never being able to fully wake up. Eventually my eyes peel open, and something seems wrong, something is out of the ordinary. My bed is the wrong firmness… It’s too hard. The room is too bright… Why the fuck is Harley Quinn staring me in the face? Where the fuck did I get a television?

Then it dawns on me. This is not the bedroom I sleep in every night…In fact, there is nothing about this bedroom that greets me by saying “hello fishfail, wouldn’t you like to rest?” Instead, this room screams “get the fuck out!”

I wearily climb out of the bed, and stumble back into the living room, where LuzOb and Drezirale are both sharing a laugh at my expense…

I bleakly look around, and realize it is only about 20:00. I had been asleep for less than an hour before the excursion to the bathroom… To this day, I still don’t know exactly what happened… All I do know is I awoke in the wrong bed, in the wrong room, smelling the wrong smells…

God, I wish I could blame this entire experience on drugs and/or alcohol…

But I cannot, just severe sleep deprivation… Fucking awesome.

Croak!

Posted: January 10, 2012 by fischfailfrog in Random
Tags: , , , ,

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Bet you assholes thought you would never hear from me again, didn’t you?

Well fuck you!

But that’s all really… I am still just a fucking frog!

I mean nothing has fucking changed… In fact, I should be fucking hibernating in the fucking ground right fucking now, but no, I had to fucking wake up and make a fucking post because fischfail won’t get off his fucking ass and make a fucking post on his own fucking blog.

FUCK!

That’s it, I’m fucking done.

 

Art for the sake of Art

Posted: October 10, 2011 by Grimnir in Anger, Art, Life
Tags: , , , , , , ,

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Many artists find inspiration in god, love, war, nature, and so on. you get the point. And many artists also express a deeper meaning in their works to convey political messages and what have you.

But when do we stop over analyzing everything and just enjoy the art for the simple fact that it is just that; Art?

The bronze statue of David by Donatello

I am writing this all in response to a certain professor (who will remain nameless)who teaches a Humanities class titled Renaissance to Modern Times. Something that I have voiced very frequently to a friend of mine in the class is that “If I wanted to take an art history class, I would have taken A FUCKING ART HISTORY CLASS!!!!”. And although her teaching style is –in polite terms– shit, I can overlook that we only learn about the art of the period. What I cannot overlook is the wanton use of absolutes when she talks about the art of the renaissance. It’s just not appropriate. How the fuck can she (or anyone else, for that matter) know just what the fuck these artists were trying –or not trying– to convey? And who the fuck says Michelangelo had to be influenced by Giotto?! It makes me insane that we ever presume to know exactly what happened so long in the past. I don’t give a fuck how “detailed” your records of the time are, you don’t have a fucking clue what actually went down at Thermopylae, and you will never know who came to North America first (although my vote is of course for the Vikings). My point is this: remember that telephone game we would play as kids where a phrase would start as “I love bean burritos” and end up down the line as “Doves lean on Frito’s”? Yeah. Exactly my point.

A beautifully made norse cloak pin

To all of you that kept reading through my angry ranting I just want you all to take an important message away from this. Stop over analyzing things.

Just enjoy them.

May the gods watch over you

Måtte Æser ser deg

Ullersson