Posts Tagged ‘mental-health’


A quote from our main author and contributor from two years (and one day) prior:

“I find it interesting though, that normally, this time of year brings about a large amount of depression and anxiety, and this year was no different. I really have no reason to hate my birthday, or anything like that. This time of year just brings me into a depressive funk that I have never been able to explain.”

Remind me to quote things properly… eventually…

Ever since Mr. Fail posted this I have taken it upon myself to inform the world of his badassery upon the highest rooftop of our blog. I thought about speaking upon the lofty achievements of his life, and referencing the posts past with witty humor and banter that only my sleep-deprived mine could think of.

This time I want something different…

This year it is your collective turns…

I will be collecting bits and quotes of people that happen to personally know Mr. Fail and throwing them into something… I dunno what though… and making that motherfucker count.

So replyreplyreplyreplyreply! and comment on this post things that you want to say about our glorious lead author. I have a gift proper in the works but it’ll have to wait for a couple paydays (and not the candybars, Mr. Fail cannot eat them, dumbasses).

Be it heartfelt, troll-ish or downright disturbing I want to hear from everyone! That means you too lazy other authors…

and that’s really it! fucken easy, right? then DO it! and I will do it first…LuzOb

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Hello, once more, old friends… Sorry about the extended absence of so many of us, however, with this many of us living under one roof (or still

English: Flag of the National League of Famili...

English: Flag of the National League of Families of American Prisoners and Missing in Southeast Asia – an American non-profit organization that is concerned with the Vietnam War POW/MIA issue. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

being close enough to count), when sorrow and loss strikes at one of us, it strikes at all of us. At least that is the reasoning behind LuzOb’s, Drezirale’s, Grimnir’s, ErinLovesTheWeb’s (which lets face it, she is not an author, she is an editor), and mine “missing in action” statuses as of late.

So, on that note, I would like to say how truly sorry I am for LuzOb’s (and in many ways, my own) loss. There are truly no words, and I will leave it at that.

On a less sadness-inspired note, I was once again joined the blue-collar work force (which means, I once again go back to having money, but at the slow loss of my soul and sanity). And let’s count some of the other changes that have occurred for me this year…

In January, I officially gave up smoking after 16 years. And ErinLovesTheWeb and I celebrated our third anniversary.

In February, I severely reduced my alcohol and soda consumption. Sure, I still have some from time to time, but it not an everyday thing.

In March, I stopped eating meat. Not for ethical or religious reasons, purely for health (more on that later, if you all care).

In April, we all felt a great loss. I reconvened with several old friends that I haven’t seen in years, and made many new ones, as well. And apparently, Grimnir and I decided to possibly start making sweet, sweet music together. And, we had super “hippy-fest,’ wherein, Grimnir played guitar, I spun poi, and then we all got down on some hackey-sack.

And, not much of May has occurred yet, but this month I will be receiving now poi equipment (prepping for some Summer fire play!) and I will be getting an old bass back into my possession!

At some time during this year, Drezirale departed from the house of Fisch Fail, INC, and was replaced with Grimnir; ErinLovesTheWeb pseudo-moved away; Moon-Pie began dealing with several personal demons; Eldwardo drank and had a seriously downer article regarding his past; and Ech13 vanished from Earth (once again).

And, I think that is about it in terms of updates regarding the members of Fisch Fail, INC. Or at least that is all the news that I am aware of.

In other topics, the “Perk Dermp” and “Don’t Watch This’ series’ should continue very, very soon. And for those of you who still care the “Something bad has Happened…” series is being worked on, once again, and will hopefully be worth the wait.

I think that is going to be it for this one, keep an eye out for near-suture updates. Thank you for sticking with us.

fischfail_sig2


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Hermit!

That is what I have been lately, So sorry fans

A lot has gone down lately in life.

Sorry to Fisch Fail INC for being gone so long, who knows when I will be back again.

Debating on going back to school….. I think I need to but I don’t want to… still deciding.

Also dealing with issues inside my head I guess it’s what we call stress, and there is a lot of it in there!

Been spending a lot of time with a special friend who has been through so much in the last few months and she is

a very sweet girl, confused but sweet nonetheless. My heart has grown big for her but I have no place in hers.

Rather friendship then nothing at all I guess but how long can I torture myself. I love her family, she even got me going

going back to church and I love it. I try to separate myself from her sometimes but then I feel like I am abandoning her

and that is not what she needs now. She needs me and her family and her church family. We are good to her.

On another note, my mom is getting older and I grow worrisome of her health sometimes, it’s just another added stress.

Five years ago I seen myself in a different place then I am in now, I want to know what happened? Did I fall off? Did

I give up? I am still here though even though times are hard and I’ve been told its gets harder before it gets any

better.

I guess that’s just life! Thanks for listening fans I will try to visit more often with more uplifting stories!!! tata!!


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Pretty simple to explain, right?

ehh, no…

So welcome back to our lil blog, it’s been awhile (like always). I appreciate our readers and their patience with us.

BACK TO STORY TIME!

So I was working (also like always) and was in desperate need for some breakage, so I took some. I grabbed some snackness and was ready to sit my fat ass down for some major-league smashing, but before I could rest my weary lameatude I came across a rather vocal African-American man, talking to himself, and only to himself…

…until he saw me.

At this point I was convinced he was just another mid-aged druggie that is needlessly commonplace in my town, dumbstruck by the change in scenery that I provided for him.

He slowly raised one hand, pointing directly at me, and uttered one phrase in a low tone: “The Bear…” With an awe-struck and wide-eyed expression I’ve identified with individuals usually on a very strong drug… then he spoke again in the midst of my obvious bewilderment.

“The bear (he thrusts a fist against his own chest) it’s here… it’s in you… it’s (chest-fist hit) here… but in you… it’s right there!” and he points to me once again.

This is weird, as most of those who know me personally would agree, due to a semblance to an old name of mine… but I digress…

In my confusion I ask him the only thing I can think of: “what’s your name??”

…in a whisper… “Fate…”

“So your name’s Fate?”

…with a genuine ear-to-ear smile… “yesss…”

Apparently this required a quick switch of conversation, as he straightened himself up and moved a little closer (but not close enough to cause alarm) and spoke with a clarity unheard previously:

“You don’t go to church, do you?”

I felt awkward at that moment; never being the church-y type myself, and not willing to listen to a fifteen minute lecture on why I should, but I basically said fuck it and spun the wheel of Fate (take that as you want)

“I think I’ve honestly been to church twice. ever.”

His first (of a few) shout-rants: “It’s alright… you’re alright… it’s okay… you won’t find any god there anyway… you can’t find god in those places… you’ll find god right here…” then he makes the strangest gesture, somewhere between pointing at his forehead w/ his thumb and adjusting a nonexistant hat with one hand at the back of his head and the other still at his forehead.

At this point I was sure I could get better entertainment from this man than anything in the breakroom, so I keep it up.

“So you’re basically saying god’s in all of us or something?”

With a unique flip of his wrist his begins pointing to his chest again “No, no… it’s only right… (points to chest) here!”

“So you’re telling me you’re god, is that right?” I accidentally used a lame version of a psychologically-learned reflection technique on him, and this time is gets a few feet closer, and whispers with that reused smile once again…

“…yesss”

Now is the time I almost am worried, because I’ve met a handful of demi-schizo-effective-bi-polar-drug-addled-whatthefucks in my travels, and most of them were rather dangerous, if not at first glance definitely after they start throwing their own feces and whistling “Singing in the Rain” (but that’s another post). Before I could react, reply or slip away, his begins yet another rant, with another change in tone, gaining clarity and conviction along the way with every word.

“What you must realize is that I won’t be here for very long, but I’ll be back, and when I come back… when I do come back… I will find good souls and good hearts andIpromiseyouandonlyyou that I will come back for you… You have the heart and soul of The Bear and you are a good person and I will be coming back for you when I come back. Do you know why I know you have The Bear within you?” (I shake my head, finding growing interest) “I know you have The Bear because I have the soul of the Lion!”

…and I shit you not…

…the truth right here…

…is that this 40-50 year old African American man roared at me.

I mean he leans back, head to the heavens and bellowed…

I was in shock, mostly from the after-effect of what I would otherwise consider a social faux pas, but also in awe of the fact that this man is so convinced of what is coming from his own mouth that he could ROAR about it!

Barely missing a beat, and noticing my apparent discomfort, he softly says…

“It’s alright, I promise you, it’s my truth… Even if you don’t believe me, please don’t forget me. I will be back, I promise. don’t forget…”

I now was aware of my ever-shortening break, and said my goodbyes and took off.

…fifteen minutes later, after my break was spent and I was ready for another round of labor, he’s still exactly where I’d left him, telling other customers his story, and roaring along as well, and after another fifteen or so minutes I see him leaving the premises. He locks eyes with me one last time, and swiftly does that “I point at my eyes and then point at yours with my outstretched index and middle fingers” move and smiles at me.

I’ve been looking into my own spirituality and culture for the past couple years, and have been feeling a pull greatly toward the Northern Traditions of Norse Pagan persuasion, and while I may be somewhat biased, after much though upon his words…

I either met Odin that day, or the most insane (non-violent!) individual I’ve ever known to this date.

That’s my story for the day, and I hope there will be much more to post.

TL,DR: met a crazy black man who may be Odin where I work.


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Seven very tiny words, that individually mean nothing. But for m they hold more meaning that I could ever try and explain. For the past 2 years

Collage of varius Gray's muscle pictures by Mi...

Collage of varius Gray’s muscle pictures by Mikael Häggström (User:Mikael Häggström) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

they have been my own personal mantra, instilling inspiration, motivation and hope for me throughout my journey to increase my overall health.

Just seven words that to this day still amaze me.

The past few weeks have seen a slew of health problems arise for me: illness, sleep deprivation, stress, depression, overall exhaustion, digestive sadness, and breathing issues just to name a few… But they never caused me to stray from my goals and mission.

In the past two years I have actually managed to reduce my pant size by over 12 inches and while I remain happy with loss, I am always seeking ways to lose more.

Recently I decided to switch up the routine a little bit and starting working with a medicine ball (an intense workout to this day), and while it has been an amazing tool, it lacks the ability to isolate individual body parts (at least for me, if you know efficient methods of doing so, I congratulate you, and maybe we can discuss this together). So I made the decision to acquire a kettlebell.

Mind you, I am not looking for bulky muscle, but to tone and gain a certain leanness to my body.

Weighing in at only eight pounds, I was nervous that it would be too light for me to effectively use. I mean I have never been a power lifter of any sort, and I have never wanted to, but that doesn’t mean I do not have considerable strength (you can ask any of the members of Fisch Fail, INC about that).

Well my friends, I can say that today was the first day that I have actually used the kettlebell and all I can say is: fuck, what a workout!

Within ten minutes of starting today’s workout my heart rate was up, my muscles were well warmed, my lungs were fighting to draw more oxygen, and I was dripping sweat.

By far one of the most intense sessions I have had in a long time (which could be caused by the workout itself or the aforementioned string of recent health issues). After I was done, I could do nothing but sit on the floor soaked in sweat, gasping for air, and genuinely feeling good.

And that was when I realized something important. It is not often that I receive a full body workout of this caliber. Generally when I go to the gym, I focus on one thing specifically (cardio, fat burn, or weight lifting). And although I hit all major groups at the gym, I focus on one of them.

In this single workout, I was unable to focus on only one aspect. It truly was amazing.

And when the routine was nearing the end and my muscles were growing tense and tight with strain and I was growing too tired to continue on, I turned to music and listened to the one song that has yet to fail me:

I still find it amazing that seven simple words “One Small Step at a Time, Bro” could hold such as an important personal message on hope and inspiration.

What helps you achieve your goals when everything else has failed? Seriously, I (at the very least) want to know.

Well then, so much for the promise of “I will not be following the trend of making a more personal post… I’m just not that guy.” And to think, that promise lasted a mere ten hours… Well, shit happens.