Posts Tagged ‘Recreation’


A quote from our main author and contributor from two years (and one day) prior:

“I find it interesting though, that normally, this time of year brings about a large amount of depression and anxiety, and this year was no different. I really have no reason to hate my birthday, or anything like that. This time of year just brings me into a depressive funk that I have never been able to explain.”

Remind me to quote things properly… eventually…

Ever since Mr. Fail posted this I have taken it upon myself to inform the world of his badassery upon the highest rooftop of our blog. I thought about speaking upon the lofty achievements of his life, and referencing the posts past with witty humor and banter that only my sleep-deprived mine could think of.

This time I want something different…

This year it is your collective turns…

I will be collecting bits and quotes of people that happen to personally know Mr. Fail and throwing them into something… I dunno what though… and making that motherfucker count.

So replyreplyreplyreplyreply! and comment on this post things that you want to say about our glorious lead author. I have a gift proper in the works but it’ll have to wait for a couple paydays (and not the candybars, Mr. Fail cannot eat them, dumbasses).

Be it heartfelt, troll-ish or downright disturbing I want to hear from everyone! That means you too lazy other authors…

and that’s really it! fucken easy, right? then DO it! and I will do it first…LuzOb


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Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin (Photo credit: xomiele)

This day is indeed a grand occasion. Today is the day we all discovered or long lost relatives. This is great because well, they are famous. While we are somewhat famous, especially myself, our relatives are wildly known throughout the world.

So lets start off shall we:

First we have Mr. Fail’s long lost son, Jonah Hill. As you can see here, the family resemblance is uncanny. (Click the pictures to inbiggen)

FISCH FUCKING FAIL!

FISCH FUCKING FAIL!

JONAH FUCKING HILL!

JONAH FUCKING HILL!

Fucking crazy right? Here is some more:

Here is LuzOb and his brother separated at birth TheFrogman

LuzOb

LuzOb

TheFrogman

TheFrogman

Speaking of frog men guess what Fisch Fail Frog, we found yo daddy!

F3

F3

Kremit

Kremit

We cannot forget about Eldwardo and his uncle Zorro.

Eldwardo

Eldwardo

Zorro

Zorro

Taught him everything he knows….

Then we have Grimnir…

Grim

Grim

He is related to THOR GOD OF THUNDER!

....and rock and roll...

….and rock and roll…

No.. I lied it’s actually this guy.

Sam Huntington

Sam Huntington

Here is Moonpie and his boy.

MoonPie

MoonPie

Also Moonpie

Also Moonpie

I wonder if Moonpie Sr. is chocolate flavor too…

Here’s a good one of Ech and his lot:

Ech13

Ech13

Ech Clones

Ech Clones

I told him not to take that vacation in Kamino

In any case here is ErinLovesTheWeb and her pops Drew Carey.

Fucking classy

ELTW

Drew Carey

Drew Carey

Incidentally, Drew Carey is actually only his stage name. His real name is DrewCareyLovesTheImprov.

Then finally there is me…

Drezirale still alive!

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sadly… There are no long lost relatives for… Wait what? I have a sister? Really?

tumblr_ltrauwISa31r5scgro1_500

 

Drezirale

Just Sit, Sip and Smoke

Posted: November 15, 2012 by luzob in Random
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? It is easy, all the work is already done. Also don’t forget to follow our antics on both Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!

Tonight occurred.

Tonight occurred just like any other night of the twenty six years of my life.

I really am as deep as a puddle in the Mojave.

Honestly though, I’m not really writing for anyone in particular besides myself.

I’m not angry; not bitter in the least.

I just sat upon my porch, sipped my whiskey, and took a draw from my cigar.

Rinse. and. Repeat.

Although I did indeed have music in my ears.

Theeere we are…

Now just think… visualize, if you will… a cigar in your left hand, and a fine beverage in your right.

…and that’s it.

Obviously relaxation should follow, right?

A chilly but bearable late evening, lit by streetlights and sconces. Eventually becoming brighter with every lazy closing of eyes. Tired? yes.

Sometimes we all need nights such as these, do we not?

My mind begins to wander as it tends to do; everything from the occasional sobering thought of loneliness to the solemn in-between where thought seems as trivial as sitting on a porch, smoking a cigar and sipping whiskey.

Those are the best times for me.

I’m not really saddened during this moment, neither am I relatively happy.

I am merely just there.

What else should I be?

i oft wonder where has my life taken me, but not tonight.

I know exactly where I am.

I whistle to myself the little piano tune in my ear, content with these nonsense thoughts.

I have homework, cleaning, laundry, worlds to rebuild and destroy, Gods to praise and ancestors to acknowledge…

…but for right now I need little more than

my cigar and whiskey.

Thanks for reading.


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Hey guys, it is me once again.

I know I haven’t posted much in terms of content lately, I blame the oppressive heat, not laziness.

Either way, I was going through some old files on various electronics and found a picture that I had to share with you guys. You all might remember that last year ErinLovesTheWeb and I hosted a garage sale. Well, mostly she hosted the garage sale and I just hung out enjoying soda and chocolatey treats.

And doing poi.

Which which an amusing aspect, it made people chuckle, but as the day went on, I acquired more and more wardrobe pieces. One of the final results follows below.

There it is, me wearing various Halloween costume pieces, including a very generically named “Wizard Hat” and the mask on a mid-90’s Quasimodo costume.

Something tells me that I did not wear that costume for very long as I recall it was quite warm.

Speaking of quite warm, I am currently sweating my ass off, and thus I think I am finished, Have fun you guys.

Also, I;m just going to leave this here, enjoy.

P.S. I will not be following the trend of making a more personal post… I’m just not that guy.


Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? Thanks!

Hey Readers its MoonPie!

I have been gone for a long time…

peanut butter moon pie

Basically all I have done is working out and eating right.

I work out about 5 nights a week and two of those days are heavy workouts.
Hell I am down 40 lbs woot! for me!

Oh I forgot to mention I’ve been working my ass off at the job and with all of lives little stresses, it does not make things easier. I could blog about problems but who wants to hear my sappy stories, hell we all got em!

Lately I just have not known what to blog about.

So with that being said I would like the readers who can comment and my fellow authors to help fuel my mind with ideas on what to write here…. I am in a slump right now with no imagination!

Anyways I am sorry for being gone for so long, I dont want that damn Frog attacking me or its frog legs for dinner tonight…… seriously


Say it with me now…

When my pipe burns bright and clear, the gods I need not envy here.

This is part of a German folk song, and this is not a pipe post…

Oh wait it is…

 

So it’s been awhile since I’ve even mentioned the recreational use of the majestic tobacco-smoking apparatus, but it’s about time I give this timeless instrument of perfection.

In the very beginnings of my briar-clad journey I had no idea whatsoever of the nuances involved with the art of pipe smoking, nor the knowledge of what to initially purchase. My first steps to pipe ownership abruptly fell into my lap; but more accurately was found atop an old refrigerator

The combing through of possessions from a newly-deceased family member (rest in peace) was how I acquired my first pipe. It was old to the point of being more pipe-like-object than anything else. I knew it was perched up there even when I was young enough to think a fridge was a form of  extreme “no go zone” meant only for the most thrill-seeking of children. I wondered if it was some turn of the century relic long forgotten by both time and a dedicated smoker. Maybe a pilfered war prize from WWII, meant to be found once again and cherished?

Nope… Mr. Fail himself found a VERY similar pipe at a gas station for like, three dollars… Oh well… I still would come to enjoy it for a decent handful of smokes, but would eventually have to figure of if this pastime would be for me.

                                                                                                                   ^there it is! also an awesome hat!^

The answer would come to me in the form of a friend who happens to own a smoke shop, and I got myself a Churchwarden pipe.

Another pipe, and another hat! Damn that is an epic beard…

But soon I would realize that merely two pipes would not satisfy me, and after traversing hours of websites I would come to know my very first actual briar pipe.

I found this pipe from (gasp, a promotion!) smokingpipes.com:

aaaaaannnnddd guess what pipe I bought?!

and yet another hat!

Yet it was but another step, and I required something… exotic?

Ever heard of Meerschaum? Yeah, I didn’t either… until I looked into it…                                    I love the case far too much to not show it, and I ran out of hats… Thank Grimnir for this’un!

 

…and that is the end of my collection so far.

You maybe thinking “Daaaaaaaaaiiiiimmmmnnnn Luz, you must get paid like a MOTHERfucker!” but I actually have spent less than $100 for all of my pipes and accessories combined. How much do you spend on that there Xbarx or Funstation? If you ever thought about being a little classier or just look somewhat more badass… a pipe may be right for you.


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Just for you Drezirale… I know how much you love that song…

Let's Get Down

Let's Get Down (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Either way, I am back now (we had some issues surrounding wireless that I could not fix…), and now

lets resume where we left off…

Yet another Pictophone booklet, this one was started by the very amazing ErinLovesTheWeb..

01

I don’t think We’re in Kansas anymore.

02

03

Don’t think about shoes or the dog will bite you.

04

Click here to continue reading!


StumbleUpon

Image via Wikipedia

Welcome, don’t forget to share this blog with your friends and subscribe for the latest in entertainment. And if you use StumbleUpon, go ahead and give us a thumbs up, would ya? Thanks!

Hello to all the FischFail readers out there!

It seems somewhat lonely these days here at the blog.

Everyone’s either been sick or having brain farts.

Or maybe life’s stressing the hell out of most of us.

Specifically talking about me, Stresses is not exactly the word I am looking for but will do.

These Classes I am taking are somewhat demanding and has taken a serious toll on my social life.

I guess it all work and no play make me a dull boy.

Hell I haven’t wrote a blog in forever… I have all the author’s breathing down my neck.

I would like to apologize for my absence and I will try my best to keep up.

Now on the other hand I have been reading a lot about Astronomy, it is an amazing subject.

Firewalls and VPN’s mmmm kind of boring since the teacher sucks at it and struggles to find things to keep us busy in class.

Internet web application hacking is a fun class in my book, since Mr. Fail and I both have the same teacher and we both agree he is an awesome teacher.  One of the best I have had in a very long time.

All these classes are seriously kicking my ass guys, I work full time and have computers still waiting to be repaired, and these customers keep calling me like phuckin bill collectors for Christ sake.  All I know is bitches betta have my money.

On a side note, I would like to thank Luzob, one or our prestige authors here at FischFailInc for keeping the blog alive in eve of our absences. Thanks bro!

MoonPie

Wipe the Dust Away.

Posted: October 20, 2011 by luzob in Random
Tags: , , , , , , ,

So apparently everyone at FFI are entering hibernation…

…which means that I can’t be the weakest link at the moment.

…which means I have to keep writing, despite how shitty I feel.

I HAVE A TOPIC TODAY! whoo!

Ever have a random encounter with an old high-school aquaintance, and out of nowhere a whirlwind of catch-up unsues? Yeah I had that happen today after I got some homework completed.

I use the word “aquaintance” rather liberally here, since her and I were not anywhere near friends, and only spoke on the rarest of occasions. I was the “Godless Fat White Dude that Wore Only Black” and she was the “Big Bible-Thumping Girl” so our paths never intersected socially. Recently she noticed me around the college and we never really said much besides the occasional “hello-what’s-

The hero of the story takes on two rats as a p...

Why'd I post this? I don't know! Image via Wikipedia

 

up-okay-goodbye” and off we went.

Today apparently I was deemed chatty (despite how sick and shitty I really felt) so she struck up a conversation. I was about to grab a bite to eat and she mentioned that she was gonna get food… until she saw her bank balance. I knew she had a long drive and (obviously) was broke as all hell, so I pulled a couple of bucks to give to her. Call me gullible, call me stupid, but I remember the (too recent) days of having to ask co-workers and friends for money so I could eat and wouldn’t let her have to deal with the same bs. My oh my was she happy as could be, making a big deal out of something (I thought as) unimportant. I sat and ate while she continued to talk about old classmates, and this is where the main focus of this post begins.

Her, I, and a fraction of the FischFail crew all grew up in the same city. While remaining unnamed, this town has been on the brink of self-destruction for quite awhile; long before we were even born. Crimes of the violent sort, drugs, gangs, etc. can all be found here. Until I started hanging around other cities I never noticed how bad it’s gotten. I never even noticed how badly drugs had permeated our own cohort (or age-group, for those not into Lifespan Psychology).

So back to the conversation, she rambled off at least four individuals who gave their life away for an addiction. I will admit here and now – I am terrified of drugs as a whole. I mean fuck, I think I may be the only person from this town that’s yet to hit a joint (that is what we call sm0king marijuana… for those white-folk reading onward [jkjk]) so things like coke, acid, shrooms, etc are mostly alien to me on a first-person basis. Not from a lack of exposure, I tell you… but anyway…

I knew a small handful of old classmates that OD’d on one substance or another, so with a combined list of around 9 or 10 this is an obvious issue for our class, and for our town. Our blog is usually not the PSA-type, nor am I, but I will borrow a quote from Sean Kennedy (once again):

Know Your Dose (from the Wog Manual).

I mean seriously people… everything in moderation… positive and negative. It’s what make-a the world go ’round…

I mean take our own blog: if we were to only write articles about poop contantly, would it be interesting to read anymore? I mean, if you think about it, even the word itself would lose all status if overused…

Poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop… say it aloud. Useless, right? Unless you’re in the middle of a busy subway station or in class or something… THAT would be funny… ANYway…

We love our readers, and we love those close to us, so something that would take you away from us would kinda blow…

I’m not being all Third Reich about shit – toke it up every so often, rock that beer, take that shot – but keep in mind that those activities are extra special BECAUSE they’re not an every day occurance.

Common sense is slowly become a misnomer… Your fucking brain can’t make useful decisions if it’s clouded 24/7, and you certainly can’t read FFI if the letters are trying to attack you, so lay off the hallucinogens sometimes as well.

Which finally reminds me that we’ve not had a LAB-day in quite some time, so show us some interest in a Hallow’s Eve FischFail Party and it’ll become a reality.

 


Traffic slowing to a crawl on the Monash Freew...

Image via Wikipedia

So I was on my way to school today and I get about half way there, when rush hour traffic hits and there is wall-to-wall traffic occurring. I realize that the vehicle I am in needs gas, so I decide I will get off at the next exit (65), stop at a gas station, grab a bite to eat and a pack of cigarettes.

As I approach the ramp for the exit, I realize it is not going to happen. This exit is even more packed than the expressway and there is no way I’m getting on it. No big deal. I can easily make it to the next ramp, exit there, put some gas in the tank, and continue on my merry way.

Suddenly, the inside of the vehicle feels incredibly hot. I look down and realize the temperature gauge is elevated, we’ll call it 75% elevated (as opposed to the vehicle running normally around 50%). It’s okay, that is to be expected, it is quite warm outside, and there is wall-to-wall traffic. My air intake is sucking up the exhaust of all the cars in front of me.

I make it to exit 67b at 10 miles per hour, the temperature gauge is even higher, let’s say 90% percent now. I excel slightly, I hit 20 MpH, and suddenly the car makes a dinging noise. I look down and see a “Check Gauges” light has appeared. I check the temperature gauge once again. Only this time it is around 100%. critical fucking mass. So, slowly, I make it to the nearest parking lot. By the time I park, the console is lit up like the fucking command center of the Enterprise.

I exit the vehicle and I smell hot engine/rubber. I hear something, a bubbling noise, it sounds like a tea kettle…. It’s my engine. I can hear it over the hustle and bustle of rush hour traffic. I look down, there is a giant glowing green, smoking puddle forming under the front end of the car…

I call the car owner and explain what is going on, they say they will be there ASAP. I wonder around for a few minutes and decide to have another cigarette, and call LuzOb and talk for a few moments. Mind you it has now been about 15 minutes since I parked. I hold the phone to the front of the intake, and see if Luz can hear the sound as well.

He can, clear as fucking day…

So, the wait began. finally an hour and half later, the owner shows up, with gallons of water, hoping that is was just a case of being low on fluid. The engine is still warm, but at this point it is no longer hot. I watch him pour the water directly in the top  of the radiator. I watch the vehicle pour it right back out the bottom of system…

The strange part is this: We could fill the radiator, we could fill the reservoir. The would both remain full, and yet we could see this water pooling underneath the vehicle. Needless to say, it has to be towed… How awesome of a day…

So much for that special gift I had planned for all of you.


So here is a little story from a long time ago, a much simpler time. I didn’t have a care in the world.

Hell I was in Delray for Christ sakes, a mini community in Southwest Detroit, riddled with crime and crack heads on every corner although that’s beside the point.

A friend and I were walking the streets in search for some reefer!

We knew exactly where to get some too.

Or so we thought!

Mind you there were no street lights; you couldn’t see shit except the metal bars over the windows of houses with their lights on. Seemed to me like that’s living behind bars. (Pun intended)

Anyways, we walked a few blocks over to look for our buddy that could get us a stash quick.

Frightened slightly as we walked towards the house, yet excited at the same time, we finally arrive.

So we knocked and knocked and no answer “shit” I said “shit” now what are we going to do?

All of a sudden a man appeared from the side of the house, beer in one hand and a blade in the other.

Oh shit I thought, what the hell is happening, who is this guy? Ha it was our buddy’s dad but he was too drunk to recognize us.

He says “what the phuck you want? Why are you knockin on my door?” Now imagine someone totally wasted saying that! Really funny if you get imaginative!

Anyways back to the story

I said “Cass and I are looking for your son” and he quickly replied “who’s that”. Befuddled at this point and wondered who I was really talking to.

Well our buddy’s father quickly got annoyed by us and approached me fiercely as I stood my ground like I was going to do something haha!

Still while holding his beer he grabs his blade and places it on my thigh as if he was going to stab me. Yes! Yes! I was scared!

While I feared for my life I looked for some help, I turned to Cass but where did he go? He went to get help I know he did….. phuck no that punk was two blocks down standing behind a tree watching me from a distance. Little dick head hahaha good times.

My buddy’s dad finally took the blade off my thigh, mind you still holding that phuckin beer can and let me go. I ran away like the Michael Johnson in the 1996 Summer Olympics 200 meter dash… I am not kiddin ya!

Double record holder Michael Johnson still hol...

Image via Wikipedia

Now that’s a memory I will never forget!


A Mountain Dew can.

Image via Wikipedia

I absolutely love Mountain Dew; I just can’t get enough of it!

There are many flavors to choose from, Hell I love them all.

Code Red, White out, Livewire and regular Mountain Dew, just to name a few.

Why does an industry make drinks that are so phuckin satisfying yet so bad for the body?

Have you looked at how much sugar is in those drinks? Its phuckin nuts, on top of that it’s per serving!!!

Here it is 9.694 teaspoons, 3.231 tablespoons or 1.616 ounces,
That’s almost a quarter cup! NOT good!

It’s pure syrup with a shot of carbonated water and flavoring.

FML I guess its water for me then, I can’t even enjoy PowerAde or Gatorade because it has almost as much sugar in it as regular soft drinks and don’t get me started on diet sodas hahah!

Idiots drinking that because they believe it’s better….. It’s even worse.

There is my Rant for the day!

Phuck you Pepsi Products!!!